Babies and the space-time continuum

Let me start this post by acknolwedging that I have no idea what the phrase "space-time continuum" actually means. I was a Finance major in college, we didn't spend much time discussing it. (I often look for an excuse to use words with consecutive U's. My opportunities are limited.) At first, I had a theory that having a baby really changes your perception of time. A few recent events have me changing that theory a bit. I now believe that babies actually have the ability to control time. With their limited understanding of what this power could be used for on a global scale, they only actually use it to mess with their parents. This explains why I have been so tired over the past 5 months. Last week, my wife and I decided to alternate nights of tending to the baby, so that at least one of us was getting some sleep. Wednesday was my night. The times indicated below are according to my atomic clock. They won't seem like they're in order. That's my point. Observe: 7:45 pm - Boy goes down to sleep 10:00 pm - Boy stirs, makes a little noise. I go check on him, he stops making noise and goes back to sleep. Crisis averted. 11:30 pm - I go to sleep So far, so good. Continue. 1:15 am - I hear a little coughing and "clicking" over the baby monitor, but it only lasts a few minutes. I go back to sleep. 3:10 am - He's awake, and hungry. I take him in so my wife can feed him. 4:00 am - He's back in bed, finally back to "sleep." I go back and lie down. I look over at the clock again. 2:30 am - I'm still awake. Wait, what? 3:00 am - Confused, I finally fall back to sleep. 4:15 am - I start to wake up, thinking it's time to get up for work. It's not. 3:30 am - More clicking heard over the baby monitor. I go to his room to investigate. He is fully awake, and gives me a big smile and laugh when he sees me, which makes me forget that I came up to investigate the clicking sound. I sit with him in the rocking chair for a few minutes, he falls back to sleep. 5:00 am - My internal clock insists it is time to get up for work. Still no. Crack self up thinking about the picture of the vole selling drugs. Eventually doze off. 6:35 am - Alarm goes off, it finally is time to get up for work. Get up to check on the boy. I walk in his room, yet another smile.

Me: What's going on in here? Boy: Gaaaaaaahhhhh EEEEEEEYahhhhh Me: Don't give me that, you can talk. (as mentioned here) Boy: HeheYAAAHHHH

See what I mean? My theory is the "clicking" is some kind of device he is using to control time (that sentence would have been better if the device had a name). All this time I thought when he was smiling at me when I walked in the room because he was happy to see me. Now, I'm pretty sure he's been laughing at me. His room will be under video surveillance tonight. I'll keep you posted. (This may also explain how the 30 minute Blogger outage last night felt like it actually took 3 hours...)