Babies and the space-time continuum
Let me start this post by acknolwedging that I have no idea what the phrase "space-time continuum" actually means. I was a Finance major in college, we didn't spend much time discussing it. (I often look for an excuse to use words with consecutive U's. My opportunities are limited.)
At first, I had a theory that having a baby really changes your perception of time. A few recent events have me changing that theory a bit. I now believe that babies actually have the ability to control time. With their limited understanding of what this power could be used for on a global scale, they only actually use it to mess with their parents. This explains why I have been so tired over the past 5 months.
Last week, my wife and I decided to alternate nights of tending to the baby, so that at least one of us was getting some sleep. Wednesday was my night. The times indicated below are according to my atomic clock. They won't seem like they're in order. That's my point. Observe:
7:45 pm - Boy goes down to sleep
10:00 pm - Boy stirs, makes a little noise. I go check on him, he stops making noise and goes back to sleep. Crisis averted.
11:30 pm - I go to sleep
So far, so good. Continue.
1:15 am - I hear a little coughing and "clicking" over the baby monitor, but it only lasts a few minutes. I go back to sleep.
3:10 am - He's awake, and hungry. I take him in so my wife can feed him.
4:00 am - He's back in bed, finally back to "sleep." I go back and lie down. I look over at the clock again.
2:30 am - I'm still awake. Wait, what?
3:00 am - Confused, I finally fall back to sleep.
4:15 am - I start to wake up, thinking it's time to get up for work. It's not.
3:30 am - More clicking heard over the baby monitor. I go to his room to investigate. He is fully awake, and gives me a big smile and laugh when he sees me, which makes me forget that I came up to investigate the clicking sound. I sit with him in the rocking chair for a few minutes, he falls back to sleep.
5:00 am - My internal clock insists it is time to get up for work. Still no. Crack self up thinking about the picture of the vole selling drugs. Eventually doze off.
6:35 am - Alarm goes off, it finally is time to get up for work. Get up to check on the boy. I walk in his room, yet another smile.
Me: What's going on in here?
Boy: Gaaaaaaahhhhh EEEEEEEYahhhhh
Me: Don't give me that, you can talk. (as mentioned here)
Boy: HeheYAAAHHHH
See what I mean? My theory is the "clicking" is some kind of device he is using to control time (that sentence would have been better if the device had a name). All this time I thought when he was smiling at me when I walked in the room because he was happy to see me. Now, I'm pretty sure he's been laughing at me.
His room will be under video surveillance tonight. I'll keep you posted.
(This may also explain how the 30 minute Blogger outage last night felt like it actually took 3 hours...)
Comments
1GloriousConundrum said:
Yep, I bought drugs from a vole. Couldn't help myself. They're just so cute! (BTW - picture was, in fact, moment of comic genius - laughed about it all day yesterday and thus had to reference it in today's post).I always wondered why parents seemed so iffy about the time when things happen - never able to tell me their child's feeding or sleeping schedule. As they looked exhausted, I assumed they were with the child most of the time. Now I understand. Those wicked, wicked babies. I also now know why O'Brien on Star Trek had problems staying in his own time -- he was the only one with children...
Jasmine said:
you poor poor thing. you're losing your mind already. we'll miss you when they have to lock you up.
X said:
Device to control time: flux capacitor.---X
I said:
I thought about the "flux capacitor," yes. Every version of I've seen is either too big or requires driving a car to get it to work though. He's somehow doing this from his crib.It's a fine line between insanity and genius. I never know if the guy coming up to my front door has a straight jacket or a nobel prize for me. Or maybe he's just trying to sell me a vacuum. BAM! Another double U word. 1GC: I pride myself on helping people reach these "now I understand" type of moments. I had a similar moment when reading your anthropological research.
Guyana-Gyal said:
Vole looks like rat...aaaaaaaaaa...Hello Omar, your baby sounds adorable. I don't have children, but nieces and nephews who all live Abroad. How I miss them!!!I think your family will like my Guyana blog...will make some o' them homesick and droolin' for de food hee hee.[I write the way folks speak here to capture de local flavah].One prob...I ain't understand what's happening to my pages...the page looks blank at the top, and you have to scrollllll down to the bottom to find the post. Must be a flippin' vole...
Sarah said:
A regular at the cafe I work at hasn't had a full nights sleep for something like a year, a result of her youngest child. One evening she asked me who I was talking to earlier that day, why did they look so familiar? The incident she referred to happened two days previously.Her baby had the power of time, indeed.
Seventeen Syllables said:
Very young babiesare sleep terrorists; you don'tknow when they'll "go off!"