Now it's personal (viewer discretion advised)
Back on April 20th, I introduced you to my nemesis, the vole. Since that time, a lot has happened. Read on.
Real spring weather finally arrived, grass was beginning to re-grow in the areas where the vole had eaten/trampled it. I had seen no vole-like activity in a couple of weeks. Better still, I have seen a neigborhood cat prowling around my yard over the past few days. "That SOB is as good as dead," I said, to nobody in particular. "The vole is gone."
Then came this past Sunday. I was doing some mild cleaning in my garage. I wheeled my lawn mower out onto the driveway only to uncover a bunch of vole poop pellets underneath where the mower was. I had mowed on Friday, the mower had only been sitting there since then. This was fresh. The vole has been hanging out in my garage.
My hunter instincts kicked in. I set a trap in the garage with some tasty Peter Pan Extra Creamy peanut butter on it. I damn near trapped myself, it looked so tasty. I set it carefully along the base of the wall in my garage. Then I waited.
On Monday morning, I eagerly went to the garage to check the trap. No dead vole. Worse yet, the peanut butter was gone, but the trap had not been sprung. Next to the trap was an index card propped against the wall. My jaw dropped as I read the message:
Of all the things the vole has done in the past, he has never openly mocked me as he did this week.
Now, it's personal.
Comments
1GloriousConundrum said:
Look, you just can't take on a vole all by yourself. Don't you know what they can do? Look, man, I care about you. Be careful. Next time, go in with some protection. Something violent, and I mean really violent.Last year, my uncle testified against a vole. Today, all I have of him is a gnawed off finger in a display case. And it all started with a note...
Jasmine said:
"who you gonna call?"ghostbusters!dude, i'm not tired of the vole. i love him. i like the word vole.volevolevolevolevolevole.
cadiz12 said:
the vole has remarkably legible handwriting. correct me if i'm wrong, but voles don't have opposable thumbs, right? man, this thing is more powerful than i thought.
Jon said:
Man, he wrote "BITCH" in all caps... that's messed up... and any animal that prefers crunchy over smooth is just plain trouble. The government has numerous billion dollar reports to back that up. On a side note, I am both humbled and proud to have made it into the ranks of your upper-right-hand-corner-quote-section-thingy (word of advice, you might want to rename that to something cooler and easier to say)
X said:
I think I may have found one of the vole's ring members: the alpaca.Doesn't that thing look sinister?---X
Sarah said:
I think that you should lace the crunchy peanut butter with rat poison and kill that little bastard for good. Then he'll be laughing on the other side of his little rodent face.
omar said:
1GC - I'm a man with the hunting instinct. I work alone, or at most, with a few beers and a hunting buddy. (Note that I don't drink and have never been hunting in my life. In fact, except for golf and mowing my lawn, I pretty much hate the outdoors. Too many bugs.)jasmine - the vole is supposed to be the enemy. Who's side are you on?!cadiz - Remarkable indeed. Though he gets points off for punctuation, as he wrote a question with no question mark at the end. Stupid vole.jon - It was the capital letters that really made it hurt. He will pay.X - If I ever saw that in my lawn, I'd shriek and run like a schoolgirl. sarah - I tried poison a few weeks ago. I thought it had worked, since I hadn't seen any new tracks or signs of life. Apparently, I was mistaken.
scribe called steff said:
Literary voles. What's the world coming to?Rodents who throw the smack DOWN, man. Wow.I'm titillated by the excitement.And I told you I'd be linking you. Just took me awhile. :)thelasditch.blogspot.com
Sarah said:
You linked to my blog?? I'm so honored! :) thanks!
girlspit said:
The vole is quickly rising into my top-five list of small, creepy, furry animals. Bunnies are, of course, number one.Now that I know voles are literate, I'm frightened, despite the fact that they don't have evil red eyes.
elasticwaistbandlady said:
THIS entry made me laugh, Bitch!