Message to Future Parents VI: The Birth
Important Note: I didn't intend for this to be a weekly series, but dammit, I've got a lot of messages. So for those that are bored by the MTFP series, I've got a small bag of TOO BAD for you.There are a zillion books out there that describe pregnancy and birth experience, but most I've seen are geared towards the woman. Sure, 100% of births involve women, but sometimes, the baby's daddy is there also. With that in mind, I've pulled together a list of things to DO or DON'T do for expecting fathers during the birth experience.
Other Important Note: That last sentence may not be gramatically correct. It's an awkward apostrophe situation saying "do's and don'ts," and "dos and don'ts" just doesnt' look right. I struggled over that for a while. Most of the day, actually.DON'T get a horrified look on your face when the doctor has to go in and break your baby's momma's "bag of waters" (if it hasn't happened naturally already). It's just amniotic fluid tainted with baby pee, it's really no big deal. You swam in it for 9 months yourself. Oh, and there's a lot of it, and it comes out with force. So be prepared for that. Just kinda go with the flow and act like it's fine. Using the word "fountain" is frowned upon.
DO whatever she says. It doesn't matter, just do it.
DON'T bring it up when she tells you to do the opposite thing ten minutes later. Let it go.
DON'T complain that your back and leg are getting sore from standing next to the bed for so long. Likewise, keep any complaints about the amount of sleep you got last night to yourself.
DO know where the button is to call the nurse. And the remote for the TV.
DON'T tell her to "hang on a sec" while watching the TV. Even if it's your favorite episode of Saved by the Bell.
DO remember to have the camera ready for once the baby is born, you'll both appreciate it later.
DON'T get the camera out too soon.
Finally, DON'T be a wuss and sit in the waiting room and miss an amazing experience. Or be in the room and faint. Don't do that either.
With these things in mind, you guys out there should have a very pleasant birth experience. Ladies, even with more prepared guys, it's still probably going to suck for you (but in a good way). No advice I give is going to change that.



Comments
cadiz12 said:
yeah, i've heard that tv one is a biggie. my mother almost bit a chunk out of my father's hand while he was overly distracted by a hockey game during my birth. though i can see how saved by the bell could be very tempting.
Omar said:
Speaking of TV, there is an update on mine (since, you know, you guys have been holding your breath waiting for an update). Friday, I sent an angry email to the head of Panasonic US consumer electronics division. Monday, I get a call from some sort of regional manager, who has located a new tube in the Seattle area, and they have sent it via overnight mail to the repair shop. I could be enjoying summertime reruns as soon as Wednesday!!And "for my trouble," they've offered to extend my warranty for 2 years at no additional cost.
Jon said:
We're talking about the original class right? That makes it a tough call... What if it's like a "to be continued" and they happen to be showing the second episode back to back? When does your MTFP series come out on DVD? Also, what kind of easter eggs can I look forward too?Also, what's your opinion on using a telephoto lens?
cadiz12 said:
woohoo! wednesday is just in time for dancing with the stars. unfortunately, evander won't still be there, but still. congrats, pal.
Omar said:
Is there another Saved by the Bell? The college years were a joke. I should know, because I watched every single episode. And I fear that the MTFP series could potentially be even less exciting in live action format. So unless the DVD was just words on the screen (I might be willing to narrate), the demand just might not be there. If I were to make a DVD, there would be so many easter eggs that people would start calling the spots where they couldn't find hidden extras easter eggs.
Syar said:
Won't be needing a bag of 'too bad' thanks. ah, saved by the bell. brings me back memories of fresh prince of bel air, blossom and brotherly love. although i'm not sure they were on at the same time. A demand for MTFP not being there? Omar, you kidder. thanks for dropping by to see my list. I thought I was the only one that did #31 too! (except nadia, but she and I are kindred spirits in some ways so she doesn't count)
Seventeen Syllables said:
Another completely spot-on issue of MTFP. Or, in this case, MTFD's. (daddies, of course.) Happy father's day one day late, by the way! And many happy returns.Also, way to get the powers that be at Panasonic on the case! Cadiz is right, you definitely want to tune in for Dancing w/the Stars. I think Rachel Hunter is the one to beat, personally. And I want to see that dude that dances with the soap opera girl to GO DOWN IN FLAMES. I HATE HIM.
Jasmine said:
i love these. you sound like you're such a good father/husband/vole hunter i'm sure your wife counts her blessings to have you, seriously. and also, i love the small bag of TOO BAD. i cannot WAIT for a right time to use that. in fact, i'll probably use it the wrong time just to get it out b/c i thought it was so funny. gotta remind myself to save your posts for the morning. i'm always wakin up the roomate with the giggles. and again, ilove that the vole is now a consumer in the market. also: do you live in ithaca now? i'm gonna post about my fave restaurants there soon...
1GloriousConundrum said:
It was funny, true, but it was also the best list I've ever seen.I worked 2 years in a neonatal intensive care unit. My office was right next to labor & delivery. I can verify that memorizing this list could save men a BUNDLE of bad moments.
Jon said:
Yeah, there was one other spin off besides the college years. Although, it was a pretty sweet idea to have them all attend the same college. I can see why the networks bit on that one... The new class though, well, I had surgery to remove any recollection of it other than the fact that it was bad and I shouldn't watch it. If that means anything to you...
cadiz12 said:
omar, i told you i wouldn't be able to resist. i smell a saved by the bell quiz...my favorites have always been the ones with mr. corosi on the beach. the first time i saw king of queens, i yelled at the tv and yelled, 'STACEY COROSI!'
Sarah said:
My brother's plan during the birth was to stand at her head and hold her hand. The nurse made him hold her foot up while she pushed. I can only imagine the look on my brother's face! That would have been priceless!By the way, the vole kind of freaks me out...
Omar said:
syar - I still may be the only guy who does it, but that's OK. As long as I'm not the only human.17 - Your feedback always welcome on this series, since you may be the only other one with children. Thanks for the father's day wishes, by the way. It was a good day. I've only seen one episode of Dancing with the Stars. Never in a million years did I think I'd get into it, but I did. Haven't seen it in a couple of weeks though.jazz - Thanks for the kind words! And no, I don't live in Ithaca. Statcounter seems to randomly show that I'm coming from all sorts of places in western/central NY (Syracuse, Ithaca, Buffalo, Rochester, etc.). I'm a few hours from Ithaca.glo - We did a tour of the NICU when my wife started dilating at 32 weeks. I'm not sure I could emotionally handle working there. You're stronger than I...jon - Oh, you mean that series where Screech was a staff member at the high school? CRAP. Even I didn't watch that junk. They shouldn't have been able to use the same name for the show. (I feel very strongly about this, apparently.)cadiz - you KNOW I did the same thing when I saw king of queens :). Perhaps that may have to be a future quiz...
Omar said:
oops!jasarah - That was my plan too, but I also got roped into holding a leg. It wasn't as bad as I thought, though my back was sore by hour 3. (It's ok to complain after the fact, right?)
scribe called steff said:
i don't want kids. i don't even want a husband.i want a willing sex slave with a nice paycheck and a good sense of humour-- who lives next door and who likes to go home.i get the whole companionship thing. totally. i just don't want another job, that's all.but to you people who do it, and who do it well, good on you. good parents don't get the respect they deserve.Whee.
scribe called steff said:
Great news on the TV! You get the fuckers, O.
Lesia Fontana said:
Loved your post :)
I must go absolutely crazy before decide to agree to a proposal. Perhaps when getting older...