Just a Three
Quick break from my cell phone hating (will return tomorrow with Part 3) and my no posting on Wednesday pattern. The following post is a result of:
-A morning shower (as opposed to showering before bed last night)
-My current obsession with Google Page Ranks
-My raging jealousy
-My inexplicable need to make a song out of everything
-3" of rain last night
Serious Important Note: It is not lost on me that this rain, while it is beneficial to my lawn, came from a storm that destroyed cities and took lives. I don't mean to sound insensitive by complaining that 3 inches of rain got in the way of my evening plans.
I bring you the first omarphillips.net rap song. That's right, rap song. (X, we'll have to discuss laying down a track to go with this, I'm thinking of something that thumps with a 70's soul flavor. I know when you read my lyrical wizardry that you'll want to get in on this early.)
Just a Three
by Omar Phillips
(chorus)
Uh. I think this site is the bomb
Would you rank me better if I had a dot com?
I can't believe I'm just a 3 (just a three y'all)
Tell me why, google, is it that you hate me?
I can bribe you, here's 100 swiss franc.
Whatever it takes to increase my google page rank
(repeat)
Yo. On a scale of 0 to 10
google ranks your site's importance to them
On that scale, my site ranked just 3
Now let me tell you why this upsets me
I try to keep it clean, my current search hits
all have to do with the Wiggles and sh!$
Even with their booming popularity
Google still thinks i'm not more than a 3
Would i do better if I mentioned Tommy Lee?
and the sex video, or his ex-wifey?
No way, i'd never stoop that low.
Even if it increased my page rank to fo'
Not Brittany Spears, nor Kevin Federline
Bloggin' 'bout them would cross the line
Besides, it's not just about search hits
though I would get more, if I mentioned Jessica Simpson's... hits
(chorus)
Uh. I think this site is the bomb
Would you rank me better if I had a dot com?
I can't believe I'm just a 3
Tell me why, google, is it that you hate me?
I can bribe you, I'll fill up your gas tank.
Whatever it takes to increase my google page rank
(repeat)
Shuck n jon, glo, and jazz all ranked 4
Just like Jam, X, steff and so many more.
Now I see, I went about this all wrong
more cheeseburger pizza and gavin degraw's schlong
Less about the vole and my broken TV
That's the kinda crap that keeps me at a 3
I don't get it though, I checked Technorati
28 other sites link directly to me!
Don't get me wrong, I ain't trying to brag
I'm just trying to find why my page rank lags
Intern Andy's a 5, Queen Dooce is a 7
When I'm done with my wrath, my site will be an ELEVEN
(chorus)
Uh. I think this site is the bomb
Would you rank me better if I had a dot com?
I can't believe I'm just a 3 (just a 3, y'all)
Tell me why, google, is it that you hate me?
I can bribe you, I'll go rob a savings bank.
Whatever it takes to increase my google page rank
(repeat 2X)
---
Keep an eye out for the remix with Jay-Z.
Comments
Jon said:
Any time I out rank you, something has to be wrong. Clearly quality of content is not being taken into account.
Viking054 said:
I've always wondered about how the page ranking works. I'm just a wee three too. This article reveals a little...
Great Site Ranking in Google The Secret's Out
Glo said:
The thing is bogus! It's just messing with your mind...but that rap song is all over the west coast. Can't turn on the TV without seeing it used to advertise everything from exercise equipment to feminine hygiene.
jasmine said:
i have no idea what you're talking about. i don't know what a google rank is.
gonna go read that article viking linked.
omar, if you need an agent, i'll do it.
me said:
I second jasmine. I'm not aware of the whole page rankings thing. That's good though. It's one less thing for me to preoccupy myself with.
RaJ said:
Are you sure it doesn't go the other way? Like, 3 is 3rd place, 4 is 4th etc.? Because all I can think here is "Inconceivable!"
Tayster said:
I'm a three also. I've been blogging for over two years and I'm still a three.
It's a conspiracy, I tell ya.
Squeaky said:
Glo is not joking when she says you song is everywhere. I heard people are already selling a bootlegged copy of your single in China.
X said:
Yeah, man, I'm on it. I'll have it for you by the end of the week.
---X
Syar said:
google is blind. I mean, that...that was genius! kanye west and jay-z ain't got nothing on you. *try to ignore the fact that I'm a malay girl trying to be ghetto.it'll save us all a lot of embarassment*
put me down for a CD. I totally rated you a 15 squillion trillion gabazillion just for that rap. and I added 5 gold stars for you linking me. I shall stage a coup at Google's HQ until this wrong is righted. *goes off to prepare the coup*
cadiz12 said:
ranking/schmanking, omar. shouldn't you be worried about how we, your loyal fans, rank you?
however, i'm heartily impressed. this puts beatboxing to shame.
Cate said:
Us Three's gotta stick together, man.
Adam Backstrom
said:
Wooo, dotdotdot is 5/10. </gloat>
I said:
Hold on now, I don't remember singing away rights to feminine hygiene companies!! Must be the bootleggers.
Anyway, they say that valuable inbound links are important to google's page rank. So they're basically slapping all of you who link me in the face too. REVOLUTION!