Message to Future Parents XI: Mom Powers
There are so many things I love about fatherhood. But at times, I do get jealous of some of the benefits of motherhood that I can't enjoy. One of those benefits: mom powers.
It started early on, when the boy was just a couple of months old. My wife started noticing that her biceps were firming up, even though she didn't have the time to work out. At the time, we just attributed it to her holding the baby a lot.
Several months later, she was looking for a specific one of her scrapbooking pens. She does her scrapbooking on the floor, near where our couches are. So I asked her if she checked under the couch, just to make sure it didn't slip underneath. I get down on my belly to peek under the loveseat.
"Not under here, hon. Is it under that one?" I asked. As I'm getting up, out of my peripheral vision, I see her lowering the couch down from over her head.
"Nope, I don't see it under here either," she says.
"Did... did you just lift that couch up over your head?"
"How else was I supposed to see what was under it?" she answered, as she went upstairs to check in our room.
A few weeks later, we're at a restaurant. It's mid afternoon, there is a pretty good sized lunch crowd inside. As we're eating, she says "Awww, little baby Morgan is crying! Poor thing."
I look around briefly, before asking what the heck she's talking about. "Over there," she points to a booth halfway across the room. After staring for a short while, I was barely able to see two inches of the handle of an infant seat that was visible over the table. As I listen, all I hear is normal restaurant din.
"Two things," I said. "First, I don't hear any crying, what are you talking about? Second-" Before the second thing got out of my mouth, the (woman who I presumed to be the baby's) mother picked up the baby from the seat, and the baby appeared to be crying (I still couldn't really hear it though). "Um, and second, why did you call her Morgan?"
"Oh, you didn't hear them say that when they sat down? She called the baby Morgan. You didn't hear it?"
Important Note: For you wiseguys out there who are going to make some comment about how men don't listen or something like that, I would like to point out that I had a hearing test done in March, where it was determined that I have excellent hearing. Additionally, as someone who doesn't talk, I pride myself on my ability to listen. So SAVE IT.
Super strength and supersonic hearing. All I've gotten since the boy's birth are less sleep and the beginnings of a pot belly.
At least my boobs never leaked. I've always got that.



Comments
Sarah said:
Yes, Omar, hang on to the boobs...
They're you're only hope.
mep said:
You stole my argument about hearing . . . and then my argument about listening!
I've got nothing.
jasmine said:
i'm sure mom's are always supersentive to other babies. if i had a kid, i'd always be checking out the other kids to see if mine was cuter.
i'm competitive like that
Jon said:
Let me go ahead and preface this with the usual “I’m an idiot that is unclear on many concepts.”
I’m intrigued by these Mom Powers and I am curious, were I to give birth to a child, would I then gain these super powers? Or is this strictly a woman thing? Any light you could shed on this matter would be much appreciated.
Glo said:
That, Jon, would take several miracles that I don't have time to list.
And, Omar, if your breasts leaked every time a child cried, you would develop supersecret hearing, I guarantee.
I said:
sarah - Ha ha, you said "hang on to the boobs"
mep - I try to anticipate, it's good to know that it works sometimes.
jas - Oh, I do that all the time. "My kid's cuter than yours, and yours, and yours..." But while I notice them all the time now, I still don't hear them from across a crowded restaurant.
jon - It's hard to say. You could write a letter to your governor to ask, since he has some experience with that. But I would lean towards no, that it's only a woman thing. I don't think we have the right mix of hormones.
glo - There are many ways I could end the sentence "if my breasts leaked..." But yes, you're right. Again, those chick hormones are powerful. Powerful. I'm curious to see what other powers develop.
Lou said:
I know that my mother has super powers. When my sister and I were kids she juggled full-time single mom-hood, full-time university, and a part-time job. I don't think she slept and she made the deans list at university! Plus she can spell any word you throw her way.
I think gaining super powers is part of becoming a mom.
Nadia said:
Ok, now I'm torn.
In reference to this post: should I allow a demonic alien parasite to germinate inside my body as a trade off for beyond awesome superpowers?
I have at least 7 years to think it through. Yikes.
cadiz12 said:
ooh, superpowers. now here's a m.t.f.p. that gives me some hope. my family already says i have supersonic hearing, but if i have a kid, i'll get the muscles to match? sweet.
me said:
My mom was the same way. When I would walk into the bedroom when she was sleeping, she would wake right up. For the longest time, she had ripped arms too. I definitely think that's got something to do with carrying a child because they're softening up now that we're all older!
Ale said:
Just another example of how women are superior to men! thks Omar ;)
P.S don't be to hard on yourself- its just part of your natural "challenges" being male
Glo said:
BTW - I have redubbed Omar "Mr. IT". Please pass my latest creation around the internet. I'd like to see it on every blog by end of week.
I said:
Since there are more women bloggers than men, I won't take your bait, ale. Just know that I respectfully disagree.
Syar said:
to show my solidarity to glo, I shall start this comment with:
To "Mr. IT",
I'm up for all those superpowers? wow. boob leakage tho, are you sure that isn't another more discreet and obscure super power?
nadia : 7? planning to pop one out by the age of 24? this is news to me.
Glo said:
Syar! You are my absolute favorite of these next 6 hours!
No more Omar. It's Mr. IT now.
Ale said:
hehe omar- your response shows you DID take the bait ;)
-i'm just kiddin' you know right?
Icy said:
Yes, we do become supersonic after little people escape our vaginas. It's sort of like the our knowledge of the mysteries of the universe.