Running Man
Every once in a while, I get the urge to go for a run. More often than not, I'll talk myself out of it first. Today though, I have been feeling particularly bad about myself, and I've been doing some more thinking about how I want to present myself if we choose to go to the 10 year reunion in November. Plus, to the chagrin of my dietitian, I ate very poorly today.
So I get on appropriate running clothes, my new headband (from the 80's party), and I take off. I decided on a 2.2 mile route, a round trip the local elementary/grade/grammar school.
Mile 0.25 - I realize I'm going a little faster than I can sustain, so I bring it down a notch.
Mile 0.5 - I'm still feeling pretty good! I say hello to someone who is passing by walking their dog.
Mile 0.75 - It was dark, so I didn't notice it starting to get cloudy. A slight drizzle began to fall. I was starting to tire, and my breathing was no longer in a nice rhythm.
Mile 1.0 - The school is in sight. The rain is picking up (of course, as I am at the furthest point from home in my run). I'm seriously considering stopping to walk at this point, but I also have incentive to get home faster, because of the rain. I get my second wind.
Important Note: I'm pretty sure it's a bad sign when you get your second wind before you're halfway done.
Mile 1.3 - I have made the turn, heading back towards home. I pass someone's garbage by the curb, there is a plank of wood being thrown out. I seriously consider leaning the plank against the garbage can and spending the night underneath. Deterred only by threat of being eaten by raccoons.
Mile 1.5 - Pass young couple walking. Consider asking them to call my wife to pick me up. After realizing that my wife can't leave while the boy's in bed, I consider asking them if I can crash at their place.
Mile 1.75 - I begin to bite my finger, in hopes of drawing enough blood to write out a makeshift will on my shirt. I get as far as "I, Omar Phillips, of sound mind and" before I realize I can see the streetlight at the corner of my street. For about 20 seconds, I run pretty hard with the end in sight.
Mile 2.0 - I could see the light almost a quarter mile ago, but it doesn't really seem any closer yet. Though I'm breathing pretty hard by this point, the run is being made easier by the fact that I can't really feel my legs anymore. The rain has stopped. Mother nature, why do you hate me? I see my in-shape running neighbor heading my way. I perk up and pretend like I have enough control of my body to say "hello" without sounding like I'm about to die. I decide against it and wave instead.
As I walk back in my house, I go straight to the kitchen for several glasses of water. Being a big sweaty mess, I know I can't sit on the couch, bed, or even floor to recover. So I head for the shower.
I pass my wife. She asks, "What's that on your shirt?"
"um... nothing."
Comments
Sarah said:
*puts on safety hat*
You should try to take your cell with you when you venture out like that. What if you twist an ankle and can't walk anymore?
Also, you can order pizza and have it waiting for you when you get home.
I said:
I hate cell phones. But your pizza idea has merit.
Glo said:
Ack! No feeling bad about yourself! Ever!
And no pizza! Your dietitian will resign if you keep that up....;)
I hate running. I think it's entirely overrated as a hobby or sport. Should I feel badly about that?
Carolina Girl said:
running, what's that? Pizza-I know very well.
Well done, Omar! Good for you, sticking to it!
Not so good for me, sticking to the couch.
mep said:
Amen G.Lo, I hate running also. I work out plenty - weight training, yoga, and pilates, but I HATE cardio. It is torture to do it for a 15 minute warm up on the eliptical machine.
Omar - the makeshift will was hillarious!
Viking054 said:
I don't run. But I always take the stairs 2 at a time. That's all the exercise I need.
And it's good to see someone else who hates cell phones.
Nadia said:
Handphones are a necessary evil. Unlike running, which is an unnecessary evil. Like viking, I firmly believe dashing up and down four flights of stairs several times a day more than compensates for the hours spent resting on my laurels.
Glo said:
Yeah. So I would die without my cell phone permanently attached to my ear. It's so unfathomable that I didn't even see the cell phone comment earlier.
I said:
glo - I don't love running, but my only other cardio option at home is Tae Bo. And if I see Billy Blanks wearing that damn unitard one more time...
carolina - I too am a little too familar with pizza. And coincidentally, most of my evenings are spent stuck to a couch.
mep - I don't mind riding for cardio, I don't love the impact of running. I'm afraid to use the eliptical machine at the gym for two reasons: 1) I'm a guy, 2) I fear looking foolish in public.
viking - That stair climbing thing worked for me in college, but not since. I guess I don't have the opportunity to do stairs often enough for it to help.
nadia - Headphones are necessary when I'm in the gym, but when I'm out running, I don't like to not be able to hear what's going on around me. I've been called paranoid before.
Icy said:
Omar, I love to run, or at least I used too. I was a track star in high school and college. Now I run from my computer to the fridge. Wish I was kidding. I do however do random neck stretches and finger push ups.
cadiz12 said:
oh omar, just give yourself a couple of months -- the boy will be walking and then you will have no choice but to run after him, for which you'll become spry and agile in no time. fear for your kid's safety trumps all kinds of fatigue.
psst, they're making a global conspiracy movie about you. 'the constant gardener.' they say ralph fiennes is in it, but that must be a mistake; from what i hear taye is the only suitable stand in, no?
Glo said:
Oh, Sheesh! I tried Tae-Bo once and couldn't actually complete the exercise what for the giggle attack over the leotard. Run away, Omar, run away....
Berrygirl said:
Holy crap Omar- running when you don't have to? That is willpower if I have ever heard it-
me I try to keep my running to a minimum. If you keep it up three days in a row you just might be my hero!!
I said:
Icy - I used to run track in high school, but I was a sprinter. If it was more than 200 meters, I wasn't interested. Over the years, that number has decreased significantly.
cadiz - Yeah, only Taye. A young Denzel could have done it, but he's a little old now.
berrygirl - Welcome! Running three days in a row? Here we are three days later, and I haven't so much as sped up my walking pace since.
Lou said:
Kudos for actually getting out and running. I keep saying that I'm going to start jogging, but nothing has come of it. I need my grade 10 gym teacher back... he had me running longer and further than I'd ever been able to. Oh well! Maybe one day...
Syar said:
man, that was funny. usually i don't tell you this, assuming you already know, but this one was spetacularly funny.
it kind of reminded me of the 7 laps around the field I had to do for P.E, twice every year. I fully agree that getting your second wind before your half done (or in my case, the third lap) means you're just going to conk out before you finish. I mean, don't kid yourself with notions of a third wind. two's all you got!
sounds like a good run. I just scrolled up to reread some stuff and it just made me laugh again. *sighs contentedly* good stuff.