Random Weekend Notes
- If you are asked to sing the national anthem, sing it the way it was written! One of my greatest pet peeves is when people allow their artistic impression to make it sound like a different song. Impress me with your voice, not with your ability to change the notes of your country's nation anthem.
- At a Hawaiian theme party, there are an endless number of jokes that one can make surrounding the "lei." Most are inappropriate.
- I reached 10,000 steps legitimately (without butt scratching) on Saturday. I did it by shopping. This means I should go shopping every day.
- Then I broke 13,000 steps on Sunday. Minimal butt scratching. I did this one by going to the zoo. This means I should alternate shopping and going to the zoo every day.
- I went to one of our local pro soccer team's games this weekend. I don't know if the men out there already knew this, but these days, most women don't wear clothes when they go out! Remember those days when you used to have to say, "I wonder what she'd look like naked?" Those days are gone! No wondering is required!
- Back when I was young, probably 7 or 8, my babysitter at the time always used to use a specific kind of Lysol air freshener to mask the smell when anyone pooped in the bathroom. 20 years later, I still associate the smell of that Lysol alone with poop, and it is disgusting to me. I now feel the same way about baby wipes. It's to the point where they smell like poop to me, even before they actually are used to clean it.
Comments
Nadia said:
Congratulations on the legitimate 10 000 milestone!
I can't think of any inappropraite lei-related jokes!
Does the Wife know about women going around nude?
I'm sorry your baby wipe experience is ruined by poop. I've been there...
Cate said:
Could not agree more on point #1. The rest of the list is great, too - congratulations on passing 10,000 steps - but #1 really resonates for me. The pop-murdered national anthem is one of my biggest pet peeves.
me said:
Good job on your steps!
I used to help out at this nursery and now, after changing countless diapers, I too have the same smell association with baby wipes. I can't wait to see what else your mind will link together. Wait until your child gets sick in the car after eating cheez-its. All over the place. Hate them now. Yes, the link was made that quickly.
And no, I don't have a child. That was my sister in the car.
Glo said:
A very philosophical weekend, to be sure. I, too, am grateful that women no longer wear clothes, although it does make it harder to be shocking...
mep said:
What else would you associate baby wipes with, if not with poop? I know what you mean though - I associate the smell of the pink-can-lysol with Freshman English in HS. The guys in my class would steal the can of lysol from the file cabinet, sneak up on unsuspecting classmates and spray their butts while they were at their desk. It was hillarious.
We were also very immature.
Glo said:
It is a very straight-forward association. Most people, though, prefer the smell of baby wipes and Lysol to the alternative. To each their own, I say....
cadiz12 said:
dude, can you imagine how many steps those soccer players would log onto a stepometer? but i'm very proud of you, omar.
i'm irritated with the nekkid factor, too. it makes any decently dressed girl look like a victorian-era prude. maybe i'm just a little too oldskool for current culture.
and you're so right about the anthem. save the melismas for mariah, please. it's bad enough when they hold land of the freeeeeeee for six years to prove their stamina.
Glo said:
I am so in your camp right now, 'Diz. On everything. All I can say is, "Hell yeah" and move on to the next blog.
Viking054 said:
I know what you mean... Lysol = Poop.
And I'm starting to associate the national anthem with poop too. That's how bad it is.
Sarah said:
I saw this woman in Walmart yesterday in SHORT knit shorts (think t-shirt material up to her ass) and a tank top that didn't cover her belly.
Did I mention she was at least 200 to 225 pounds?
Sure, it was hot yesterday, but that's just wrong. You gotta keep that shit covered.
Berrygirl said:
I can not stand the smell of baby wipes- even the non-scented make me ill. I for one would join the Shop-For-Fitness campaign!!
I said:
nadia - Thanks! It's good that you can't think of any inappropriate lei jokes, your youthful innocence is refreshing. Everyone knows about women going around nude! It's everywhere!
cate - I have no doubt that if you were singing it, you'd do it right. You should have been singing it at the game I went to.
me - I'm sure that when the boy starts eating real foods (and consequently throwing up real foods), I'll make some of the same associations. Cheez-its though, that's rough. They're all orange and stuff.
glo - It's everywhere, glo. I went to the grocery store, there were more women without clothes there too. At the grocery store!
mep - We bring wipes with us everywhere, whether it be to wipe off hands or butts. They're not just for poop. But that's what they smell like for me now.
cadiz - Now hold on, who said anything about being irritated with the nekkidness?
viking - No kidding, it is getting pretty bad. Everyone's trying to sing it different from everyone else, and they all end up bad.
sarah - Well, anything goes at WalMart. That's pretty standard.
berry - I'm getting to that point, where the smell of wipes is nauseating. Shop-for-fitness! I love it! I'll make the bumper stickers and t-shirts.
jasmine said:
gotta love the trash, um, i mean, the lovely ladies that show up to those soccer games...
cadiz12 said:
you know, omar, this post got me thinking. they should dig up a tape of karen carpenter singing the national anthem. no frills. pure, clear, strong, true. what everyone would like to believe america is. at least in the context of a sporting event, anyway.
Syar said:
congrats on the non butt scratching 10000 step milestone. we knew you could do it, 'Mar.
I'm sure I've heard it before on many a travel channel hawaian special, but I'm drawing a blank as to what exactly is a lei. (what exactly a lei is? my grammar's off balance today)
shopping! the zoo!! ah, good times, good times.
Lou said:
Congrats on the 10 000+ steps!
Tayster said:
I still associate the smell of that Lysol alone with poop.
I have the same problem with "New Car Smell" air fresheners. The first time I bought one, I thought it smelled like a urinal cake (not that I spend a lot of time sniffing urinal cakes) and then one of my friends broke wind in my car, and I kid you not, it smelled just like a men's room. (You know, that flowery poop smell that some public restrooms have.)
I have never bought another "New Car Smell" refreshener since.
Jon said:
The only variation I will allow on the national anthem is Marvin Gay, 1984 NBA All-Star Game. In fact, I think that’s the only version we should ever hear. That’s my stance on the matter. As you can plainly see, my arms are folded and I’m clearly not going to change my mind.
I don’t know any inappropriate lei jokes either. They are all entirely appropriate.