Hi, it's me. Your father.
I had a hard day at work, I leave, and go to pick up the boy. I arrive, and as soon as he sees me, he gives me a big, happy, two-toothed smile. It's one of the greatest feelings ever, and it happens every day.
Then there's the flip side. Like this morning. He was crying and upset, because he's a little mama's boy and she walked out of the room for two seconds. So like a good dad, I pick him up and try to comfort him. His response was to cry harder, because I was preventing him from staring at the bathroom door that his mom just walked through. I make funny noises, I smile, I tickle. He pushes, cries, and twists to look towards the door.
I sat down with him on our bed. As I did, I realized that I sat down on the remote control. I pulled the remote out from under my butt. He immediately stopped crying, grabbed the remote from my hands, and proceeded to spend the next 5 minutes giggling and playing with it, and chewing on it. I'm not even sure he remembered I was still in the room.
"Hey, how come the remote can make you stop crying, but I can't?" No response. "Hey! I'm talking to you! ... I FATHERED YOU!!" Nothing. He didn't even look up.
"Well fine. Enjoy the remote. Good luck getting it to pay for college."
Comments
seventeen syllables said:
Heh...I think there's some sort of genetic thing with the Y chromosome and the remote. My kid is still obsessed with it, and once every so often he gets it (we try to keep it out of reach) and presses a bunch of random buttons. This means we then spend hours trying to re-configure our ten different video devices so we can watch cable. On the bright side, guess it keeps us from watching 'too much tv' (as if there is such a thing).
I said:
Well yeah, if there's anything that's going to take my place, I'm secretly glad it's the remote. I hope it brings him as much joy as it has brought me throughout the years...
jasmine said:
i was just gonna say you should be proud. he's already taking after you dude...
next thing you know, he'll be running around like a freak with a little toy lawn mower too..
MEP said:
Lol, jasmine you're right. He will be pushing one of those bubble blowing lawn mowers along side his dad as they obsessively trim every blade of grass.
Syar said:
I was gonna say, it seems kinda wrong that he was all eager to play with it RIGHT AFTER you pulled it out from under your butt, but hey, what are you gonna do with kids eh?
Berrygirl said:
Mommy - Daddy days seem to come and go. Some days you can do no wrong, other days you are just chopped liver. Then they turned two and noone can do anything right- they MUST do it themselves!! Remotes are pretty handy things. We have several old ones laying around just for baby!
me said:
The remote seems to calm every man down. When my stepdad would lose it, he would declare lockdown on the house and everyone was supposed to search together.
More often than not, it would be buried in the cushions.
I said:
jasmine - I'd prefer to think I don't run around like a freak with the lawn mower...
MEP - I'd also prefer to think I don't obsessively cut the lawn. However, I look forward to teaching him proper lawn care habits.
syar - I'd like to make it clear that I was wearing pants when I sat down on the remote, and it wasn't actually touching my butt directly.
berry - I'm not sure why I hadn't even thought of that! I'm pretty sure we have an old remote for something...
me - Possession of the remote gives that person control. Who doesn't like to feel like they have a little control?
@ said:
eh...he was just pushing your buttons! I know, I know...sigh...bad joke, but I had to. Forgive me later.
Viking054 said:
It's all good until the remote starts picking him up after work...
Syar said:
Omar : i never questioned the presence of pants, but thanks for making it clear.