I Am Tiger Woods
A few years back, I went out to play some golf with three buddies. One of them owed me a round, so he went in the clubhouse to pay for me while I was getting my stuff together. I walked past the clubhouse and went straight to the practice green. My buddy came out of the clubhouse chuckling.
"The guy inside thinks you're Tiger Woods," he said. "I'm not sure if it's because you didn't come in the clubhouse or because you're a black guy with a hat on at a golf course."
"Probably both. Or maybe it's because of my skills." Immediately after I said that, I hit a chip shot to a hole probably 30 or 40 feet away. The ball trickled up to the hole and dropped in the cup. Seconds later, this crazy man with a heavy Australian accent came bursting out of the clubhouse.
As he ran over to the practice green, he screamed, "YOU ARE TIGER WOODS, AREN'T YOU?!?!"
There are several notable things here. First, you don't scream at a golf course. Particularly if you work there, and particularly if you are near where people are playing. We were right near the first tee and 18th green, and there were groups playing on both. Second, I do not like to have all eyes on me. I am not comfortable being the focus of people's visual attention. I would make a lousy stage actor. Third, and most importantly, I am not Tiger Woods. I don't look like Tiger Woods. I'm not rich like Tiger Woods. I certainly don't golf like Tiger Woods.
After he got close enough and was assured that I am not Tiger Woods (and after my friends stopped rolling in laughter), we went on our way.
Fast forward one year.
My dad and I were in Florida (in the Ocala area, Tiger lives somewhere near Orlando) visiting some relatives. And playing some golf. My dad and I are playing along, and there is an older couple behind us. They were following uncomfortably closely for a golf course, but we didn't say anything. As we were waiting to hit on one tee, the old couple drove right up to us (without finishing the previous hole). The lady got right up in my face, and stared at me for a few seconds.
"Are you Tiger Woods?"
"No, no I'm not."
"Are you sure? You look like him."
"Quite sure, yes."
"...OK then..." And she slowly went back to her cart.
Fast forward to this past weekend. I finally got out to play some golf for the first time since the week of July 4th. I was on the 10th tee about to tee off. I hear a guy on the practice green say to someone else, "Hey, that guy kind of looks like Tiger."
I proceeded to hit a low, screaming 3-wood shot out of bounds left, by at least 60 yards.
"Nope, it's not him," the other guy replied.
Hearing that was strangely refreshing.
Comments
Glo said:
*That* is funny. There must be *some* resemblance, I'm sure. Glad you took up bad golfing just to keep the accidental autographs to a minimum....
Lou said:
If you worked it right you'd probably be able to get some free rounds of golf... use it to your advantage!
Ant said:
... or an Adidas advertising franchise?
cadiz12 said:
no joke; why don't you use that to your advantage? maybe snag some hardtoget reservations to a shi-shi restaurant? granted, they might be taken aback when you show up with someone who is not Elin, but whatever. what tiger does is his own bizness...
Glo said:
These are clever minds, Omar...think about it... this is your shot to live the good life!
mep said:
How annoying. You should have said: "No, I'm not Tiger Woods. And Tiger Woods isnt't the only Black golfer, so you should have at least asked whether I was Vijay Singh or Tiger Woods to cover your bases."
That would have been funny.
jasmine said:
though i don't know what you look like...in my head, you look exactly like him.
it's just like the way all asian people look the same.
Nadia said:
Jazz - *big grin*
On that note, my History teacher can't tell Malays, Chinese, and Indians apart. To be fair, all skinny white chicks are non-differentiable to me too.
Nadia said:
Vijay Singh was almost Malaysian...until we denied him PR status. Idiots.
I say from now on Malaysian should admit anybody who has even the remotest chance of becoming famous. Even celeb lookalikes. We'll start with you Omar.
cadiz12 said:
it's funny how people tend to generalize anyone outside their race. if i had a dollar for every time i was mistaken for another little brown girl, believe me, i would have at least one pair of jimmy choo shoes.
Syar said:
this was, to borrow's Glo's marvellous words, freaka-funny.
would it be too high maintenance to pretend to be Tiger Woods? or would the awesome perks make up for it? your call. you should take nadia up on that Malaysian PR offer. most people here aren't used to black people (or foreigners overall), you could definitely get away with pretending to be Tiger.
Syar said:
and to comment on your poll, malaysian's often call ketchup "kicap" which is basically soy sauce. more often than not, its just tomato sauce.
'ka said:
why don't u post your pict and let people vote? :D
Sarah said:
I told you a long time ago I thought you looked like Tiger - and I didn't even see you golfing!
Perhaps you can earn some extra dough on the side as his stunt double for commercials...
Glo said:
BTW - all skinny white girls are just a clone of some pinup girl from 1982. I thought everyone knew that?!
mep said:
Hey now, at least differentiate skinny White girls by hair color. Blondes all tend to look the same, but redheads look different. Especially redheads that can tan. :)
Cate said:
But you do look like Tiger Woods.
Glo said:
Whoa. Redheads who....can tan? I am certainly not one of those. MEP, you are my goddess.
Omar - it's catsup! I'm gonna have to clear my cookies 100 times just to make sure that your poll agrees with me!
I said:
Don't get me wrong, I'd love to take advantage of this perception. If I actually looked ANYTHING like Tiger, I'd be all over the free rounds of golf or free dinners. If someone who has ever seen Tiger looks at my face, they know I'm not Tiger.
'ka, that's an interesting idea. Expect pictures of me posted soon.
RaJ said:
Omar, next time you're going to be in central Florida (Ocala counts) let me know. We'll take you and yours out to dinner. People will say "See that guy with (famous celebrity fortunate enough to resemble Radioactive Spouse)? He looks a little like Tiger Woods."
me said:
I have such a childish crush on Tiger Woods.
Ever since I took up golfing.
If I got mistaken for a celeb, I would soak it up. I don't know how I'd do that, but I would. I just wouldn't clarify that I'm not the celeb.
Michelle said:
Happy Anniversary! Thanks for stopping by my site. Hope you enjoy the day with the Mrs.!
I said:
I too have a childish crush on Tiger.
RaJ, will do. Unfortunately, I don't get down there often. Twice in the past 5 years (also twice in the past 20 years, actually).
mep said:
Awww, Omar that was a cute post to the wife! Happy Anniversary!! We've known you weren't a tough guy for a long time - we just let you keep up appearances for the vole.
Tayster said:
You should feel lucky. Most people confuse me with all the fat actors in Hollywood.
They always say, "You remind me of _________." (Chris Farley, Drew Carey, Tom Arnold, Jack Black, Homer Simpson.)
Also, as is mentioned in my profile, I had one girl call me "the chunky Backstreet Boy."
I'm telling you, I would take Tiger Woods and run with it.