Check your trousers
Here's the part where I fill your hearts with fear:
I'll freely admit that this is among the lamest jack-o-lantern vampires in the history of jack-o-lantern vampires. He's like, "I want to suck your blood! Unless that's not OK with you. Is it OK? How 'bout we go shopping instead?" But it's the best I've got. I'll do better next year.
In other news, I got a voice mail message from Alyssa Milano last night. She was upset that she got left off my list of 7 celebrity crushes. I was too scared to call her back (she's got an awful temper), so I'll respond here. If you're not Alyssa Milano, skip the next paragraph.
Alyssa, I think you're great. You know that. But when you dated Fred Durst a few years ago, it hurt me. And so I lash out at you by not putting you on my list. Maybe it's not the best way for me to respond, but what was I supposed to do? And now you're out and about dating pro baseball players? You can't have it both ways, Alyssa. We're just friends, and that's all we can be. That's all we'll ever be. -Omar
To everyone else, Happy Halloween. Sorry for scaring you.
---
UPDATE
omarphillips.net is approaching 20,000 hits! Keep an eye on the hit counter. #20,000 gets to be featured in the upcoming worldwide omarphillips.net advertising campaign:
Comments
Sarah said:
The only thing I had to check my trousers for was peeing myself laughing... your pumpkin surely did not strike fear into my heart...
He's so cute! I'd go shopping with him!
seventeeen syllables said:
He's not the lamest vampire jack-o-lantern ever, he's the most ADORABLE vampire jack-o-lantern. Ever.
Oh, and Alyssa Milano? I'm surprised that her "Teen Steam" video hadn't already destroyed your celebrity crush before Fred Durst came along.
RaJ said:
Dude. I am SO sending you the dry-cleaning bill.
Glo said:
I've given up all hope of ever winning an Omar Phillips contest. Like Alyssa, I must accept my fate. Now...gotta call her. We're doubling with some hotties from which team??
cadiz12 said:
i think you're safe as long as you haven't laminated the list.
I said:
sarah - Well, glad that you did have to check your trousers for something. Not what I had in mind, but whatever. And "cute" isn't what I was going for.
17 - Likewise, "adorable" isn't what I was going for either. And I haven't had the pleasure of seeing "Teen Steam," though I have heard about it.
RaJ - I knew I should have put a disclaimer in this post...
glo - I'm pretty sure it was the Mets. How about those Mets? Though I'm not sure why you've given up hope. I would think that after Cate's win in the 1000th comment contest, that hope would still be alive. That's going to be the omarphillips.net motto for the day. Keep hope alive.
cadiz - Luckily, I had not yet laminated it!
RaJ said:
Oh man I *love* the 75% banner. Outstanding!
Squeaky said:
Your pumpkin looks like the little baby-faced kid wiht freckles who hangs out with the Pokemon nerds even though he is actually somewhat funny and cute, in that baby-faced way. You know, the one that you secretely have a crush on, but would never confess.
Demosthenes said:
He does look... confused, I suppose, but nobody can deny that it's some masterful carving. Mine usually end up looking scary, though not because I try to make them that way.
Demosthenes said:
Oh, and I'm out for blood in this 20,000 contest... no pun intended.
Syar said:
there's a contest? right, you publishing the no-one-ever-gets-to-win-cause-they're-disqualified-6-billion-times-over-but-there's-still-a-chance list of rules again? its good to re-check my inelligibility again.
he looks like a friendly jack. I like him. what with all those disenfranchised pumpking hanging around malls smoking weed everywhere, we need some good pumpkins to clean up the image.
Katie said:
It looks better than mine, but my pumpkins don't matter, cause we never get more than two trick or treaters on Halloween. I feel like it's the nose, and the eyes... er, and the eyebrows that make your pumpkin less than terrifying. But it is really cute!
Cate said:
It was me! I was visitor number 20,000!
Jon said:
75% approval? That’s pretty solid. I also like that your site cares about what penguins think. They are the true social barometer. By the way… about this 20,000 thing, I just stopped by, and I don’t see a counter up, and I see Cate has made the outrageous claim that she is in fact number 20,0000. how am I supposed to believe that without some kind of proof?
jasmine said:
was it really cate? i'm 20,018 pooh!
jedith said:
Yeah, he DOES seem confused...
'ka said:
arghhh 20,047... i just never win any contest...
I said:
Scary vampire pumpkin got some more detail, check it out.
RaJ - Thanks! It's inspired by MEP.
Squeak - I never had a crush on any Pokemon boys. Ever. So I can't relate.
Dem - Thanks re: the masterful carving. Mine always end up looking friendly. It's my curse.
Syar - No! I want my pumpkin to be a badass, sniffing lines with hookers!
Katie - Welcome! 120 kids came to my door last night, so the quality of the pumpkin was very important. It distracted them from the fact that we were giving out crappy candy.
Cate - Yes, you were #20,000. In fact, you were #19,993 - 20,004. Funny how that worked out.
Jon - The importance of penguins' opinions is greatly overlooked in American culture. I'm doing my part to rectify that. Regarding the hit counter, there is one on the sidebar of the main page. It's on the individual post pages too, but because I'm inept, it appears in different places based on what browser you have. It's what we in the IT industry call a "feature."
Jasmine - It was Cate, though she cheated.
Jedith - He's not confused! He's a killer. He's plotting lots of bloodsucking.
ka - Keep hope alive!
Demosthenes said:
20,059
What more can I say?
cadiz12 said:
sorry omar, there is no excuse to be giving out crappy candy -- especially as pdp is still too young to be pillaging through it.
I said:
cadiz - The problem is, I AM old enough to be pillaging through it. That's why we have to get the not as good stuff. It's not like we're giving out apples or anything. Or literature.
'ka said:
oooo that's how cate did it... ok.... i shall try it then...
so when is next? :D
cadiz12 said:
okay, i understand -- i probably ate about 15 fun-size almond joys last night for that very reason. the solution? bring it all to work and let your colleagues use your candy jar as a reason to come over and chat.
but the phillipses just cannot be known across the neighborhood as the people who give out that horrid candy wrapped in black or orange wax paper. you know what i'm talking about, right? it's so bad, i haven't opened one in years so i don't know exactly what it is. but it's no good. granted, it's nice that you're not giving out pennies. or floss for that matter. i'll let it slide.