Thanks all, for the birthday wishes for the boy! It's been a fantastic first year. And since I'm still feeling all fatherly and stuff, I thought I'd pass on a list of lessons that I have learned over the past year.


  • When you don't have a lot of muscle control, clenching your stomach while relaxing your rectum is apparently quite a struggle.

  • And while we're talking about poop, it doesn't get much easier on the nostrils over the course of a year. I mentioned early on that the poop of breastfed babies doesn't really smell that bad. But when they start eating real food, it turns into real poop. One year in, I'm not over it yet.

  • You should phase in new toys, rather than giving a bunch at once.

  • In fact, save your money on toys at all. Wanna know what the boy most enjoys playing with? An empty two-liter bottle. That's $.79 plus deposit, and it keeps him occupied for hours.

  • The answer to successful diaper changes is to keep the kid's hands occupied.

  • When they cry during the first several months of life, it's for a reason. It's because they need something. They need to be fed, they need to be changed, they need to sleep. After the first several months, they learn to cry when they want something. That's when it gets tricky.

  • If the kid likes to play with the stuff on the entertainment center, wait until he gets close, then rewind or fast forward a tape in the VCR. The noise scares him away, and in a cruel sort of way, it's funny.

  • The Wiggles are like crack for the ears.

  • First time parents have no reason to believe they should know the answers to everything.

  • When it comes to sleep, it changes a lot. It'll get better, then worse. Then better again. And then the cycle will continue a few more times.

  • It's difficult to prevent a kid from watching TV when you like to watch a lot of TV yourself.

  • Babyproofing is only effective when installed correctly.

  • When they start to move, kids want to get into everything. And the more tired they get, the more likely they are to try to go for stuff they know they shouldn't have. That way, when you say "no," they can have a reason to throw themselves on the ground and cry.

  • A lot more people want to talk to you when you are walking around with a kid in a stroller. Especially when it's a cute kid with lots of hair. The hair is an easy icebreaker.

  • Installing car seats isn't really all that fun. I recommend looking for a car seat clinic and letting local law enforcement officials do it.

  • Pediatricians that will communicate with you over email (promptly and for no additional charge) are AWESOME.

  • There's a part of my heart that I didn't even know about prior to having a kid. I thought I knew, but I didn't know.

  • Because I don't want to end this list on a serious note, one more thing about poop: It changes a lot over time. The color, the consistency, the frequency, everything. It all changes. And by the time you convince yourself that the yellow gelatinous stuff is normal, it'll change to something else.