Message to Future Parents XV: It's totally not your fault
Let's say you have a kid. When the kid goes to bed, he wears those one-piece footed pajamas. Additionally, he or she typically sleeps very well through the night. And your kid almost never poops in the middle of the night, he/she is a late morning pooper.
While we're talking about the poop, it should also be noted that the poop consistency changes quite often. It could be messy today, tomorrow it's little hard poop nuggets.
So you typically get up with your kid in the morning. You typically go in the room, take the kid out of their crib, put him/her down on the changing table. Note that you have not turned on the lights in the room, because you're hoping with all your might that your kid will go back to sleep with a fresh diaper. It happens sometimes.
With the kid on the changing table, you do a quick poop sniff check. You don't smell anything, so you continue (if there were to be evidence of poop, you would certainly turn the light on). Over the past 12 months, you've mastered the diaper change in the darkness, so you go ahead and whip the old diaper off, throw a new one on, and sit with your kid for a moment in the rocking chair. You kind of think you smell poop, but you know it's not coming from your kid, since you just changed his/her diaper. You assume it's the diaper pail and move on.
You put the kid down and go get your own breakfast. Five minutes later, the kid is up again. You finish your breakfast, then get your kid up and bring him/her downstairs. After 45 minutes of playing, the kid seems hungry, so you put him/her in his/her high chair for breakfast. You put down some Cheerios on the tray and then go prepare whatever it is you're feeding the kid for breakfast.
As you feed your kid breakfast, you still smell poop. You double check to make sure it's not on your hands. You double check the kid's butt area. In doing so, you pass by the kid's feet. The sinking feeling in your stomach is coming from the realization that your child has been playing around your living room for an hour with poop on his/her feet.
You rush the child up to the changing table. You examine the foot of the pajamas, you don't see any poop on the outside. Thank goodness. You take off the pajamas, and you see a poop nugget roaming freely inside of your child's sleepwear. It must have fallen out during the diaper change in the dark. After disposing of the nugget, you determine that the pajamas are still clean enough to wear. You dress the kid and carry on with your day.
Should this scenario happen to you, just know that this does not affect your status as a good parent, and it's not your fault.



Comments
Sarah said:
Poop nugget... better that than a poop stream down the leg, eh?
I said:
Holy crap! You posted that comment before I even knew the post had published yet!
Sarah said:
Commenting, like life, is all about timing, my friend.
at said:
I don't know if I will ever ever ever be the same after hearing and visualizing this little scenario!! I have you to thank for that!
Nuggets or not, that is gross! But yep, your right it's not your fault!! The hope for a few more moments of sleep are so worth an 'in the dark changing.'
Glo said:
Nope. Sorry. Got the manual right here. It says it's totally your fault and you're a bad parent. Yep. Page 462. I am an EXPERT in children, so I know this stuff.
Cheeve said:
Did this really happen?! Something tells me you made the whole thing up. I'm now doubting loads of things....hmmm....interesting, very interesting. My sniffer-outer says that something may be stinky and it's not the pa-JAM-uhs.
MEP said:
That's gross, Omar. The boy is going to start seeking revenge. Just you wait.
Radioactive nug-- er. No. said:
So you're saying it's a darkness induced oversight, some kind of no-fault accident? Or does the kid take the blame for this one?
And the part where you determine the pjs are "still clean enough to wear" - what are the criteria for this determination? A seat-of-the-pants thing I bet.
So to speak.
Demosthenes said:
I laughed out loud at this post... if you have never read or own the book "Who Did This On My Head?" I strongly advise buying it for the boy. The relevance is... applicable.
Katie said:
Rogue poo, from my understanding, is an enormous issue. Someday, those poo nuggets will get what's coming to them.
cadiz12 said:
pobrecito. that's what happens when you're forced to get up early, when you're still too sleepy and must function in the dark.
Nadia said:
Beats it happening in the middle of a crowded mall.
Or in a public pool.
Or during a kindergarten graduation.
Eh...you're alright Omar.
Lia said:
Okay, most embarrassing babysitting story:
I was probably 12 or 13, knew nothing about kids, and was babysitting for 3 little boys. One of them, at some point definitely needed his diaper changed. So, like a good little babysitter, I decided to change it. The thing was, the kid hadn't finished, he had only stopped temporarily. He continued relieving himself AFTER I had opened the diaper, but BEFORE I got the new one closed. Suddenly, his undershirt was no longer clean and white, but I didn't know where to find a fresh one - first (and last time) babysitting for that family - so I just put it back and didn't say anything.
I got a call from the parents that night, after they discovered what I did. They were really nice about it, too.
I said:
RaJ - It's absolutely the kid's fault. He could have said something.
seventeeen syllables said:
Heh. Currently at the Syllables household, the offspring is resisting the poop-in-the-potty part of toilet training. Apparently he feels it is sufficent to announce, "Mommy, I pooped in my underwear!"
So, don't feel guilty about the poop nugget, dude. Soon enough he will be gleefully soiling himself and bragging about it like it's some kind of accomplishment.
I'm sure this all must be disturbing to non-parents. One blogger I read wrote a hilarous entry expressing her complete suprise at the product Urine Gone, which comes with its own blacklight for spotting dried urine stains. Not being in the habit of peeing on her sofa, or living with anyone who does, she couldn't image the need for or usefulness of such a product. By contrast, my first reaction to hearing about this product was, where do I get me some?