Omar on Ice
I had mentioned in my list of 100 things that I was once a member at a local curling club. In fact, I have my own curling shoes, which is a notch or two higher on the "snooty" scale than having your own bowling shoes. In my defense, they are very stylish and comfortable (note that I'm wearing pleated pants as I type this, so I should reinforce that "stylish" is very subjective).
The wife and I had joined the local curling club following the 2002 Olympics, and we played until the spring of 2003. That was the last time I went curling - until this past Sunday. The same club was having an open house, hoping to ride the wave of Olympic exposure to curling (that's how they got me in 2002). So I went. I didn't get to do too much curling that day, but I did sign up for a league that runs through the end of the season.
Last night was the first night for my league. The three other people on my team have all been members of the curling club for more than a year. The team we were playing against was made up of two members and two people who had a mere two days of curling experience combined.
Sportsmanship is very important in the sport of curling, so I won't editorialize about the degree of our victory. I'll just state the fact that we won 14-1 through 6 ends (an "end" can best be compared to an inning in baseball, there are typically 8 ends per game in this league). It would not be in the spirit of curling for me to say that we kicked their butts up and down the ice, for example. Likewise, it would not be in the spirit to comment on how our four opponents, who were the nicest people ever, are a combined 350 years old; and how that made me feel a little bit mean for so badly beating up on the elderly.
Let me interrupt here by saying that I will be very disappointed should I ever see a Google search hit for something about "beating up the elderly." omarphillips.net does not condone beating up the elderly.Also, it would not be appropriate for me to brag about my individual performance in curling, which is the ultimate team game. I should not say how fantastically awesome I played, and that if my teammates played half as awesome as I did, we'd have won 56-1 (your inner Canadian might note that it is not actually possible to score 56 points in 6 ends, so obviously I'm joking. 40-1 is the best we could have done, which makes 14-1 seem like a bit of a failure).
I did kind of make myself look like a jerk for a little while, though. People assume that because I have my own curling shoes, that I will be good. I spent the half hour prior to our start time attempting to dispel this crazy notion, citing that "it has been 3 years since I've done this..." Then, once I got the expectations set nice and low, I went out and curled probably better than I ever have before. While it was fun for me to play well, others didn't enjoy my re-beginner's luck so much. You know that guy who you initially think is being humble, but you later decide is actually being cocky and is indirectly fishing for compliments on his abilities? Yeah. I looked like him. I wasn't him, but I looked like him.
Next week, I'll keep my mouth shut before our 64-0 victory. Or I'll suck. Either case should be good for my image.
Comments
Viking054 said:
Where do you go to curl? All the ice I know is for hockey players.
demosthenes said:
"I had no prior knowledge of the planned assault on Nancy Kerrigan."
Yeah, right. And you don't condone beating up old people.
Syar said:
I'm more intrigued by curling now. I watched this match between the brits and japan (female teams). at first I didn't get what they were doing (I still don't fully get it, is the purpose to knock out your opponents err...thingies from the target while getting as many of yours in the target?) but then I got excited cause these tiny japanese chickas started beating the brits, who were all serious and professional looking.
so I get it. from a girl who thought curling was what you did to your hair with an iron rod when you wanted to look fancy, I get it now.
some of that miraculous enlightenment must be attributed to you. you with your own cool curling shoes.
ooooohhhhh.....
Katie said:
The girl from Malaysia gets it before me? Crap. No, no, I still don't get it. Target? What are they doing with the stick things? Is it magnetic? What's up with pushing a bit of pottery across some ice.
I don't own bowling shoes (I understand bowling, you see) though plan on nicking a pair in the near future.
cadiz12 said:
please go easy on the old folks. it's easy to slip on the ice and break a hip.
Glo said:
I didn't make it past "curling shoes" and "pleated pants" before the laughter overwhelmed me and I had to stop reading for fear of guffawing myself to death.
Man. You are hilarious! "Curling shoes"...I'll never get past that.
Onj said:
I own my own bowling shoes… however, I do not have a separate ball for picking up spares. I have a yellow ball with Tweety bird on it. I ain’t ashamed of that. I think that owning your own equipment is borderline necessary in some sports. Bowling is no exception. Plus the consistency of having the same piece of equipment every time you go out there makes you a lot better. If I used the alley equipment, I’d probably only be a 120 bowler, average at best. But since I own my own stuff, I’m an amazing 140 bowler. As a prime example of how consistent it makes me, in my league on Monday night, I bowled a 188, followed by a 130, and finishing up with a 150. I think those numbers speak for themselves.
I’ve never curled, but I’ll try any sport once.
I said:
The basic idea of curling is to get your "stones" or "rocks" closest to the "button" (center of the target). Only one team can score per "end," and that is the team that has the closest rock to the middle. They get as many points as they have rocks that are closer than the opponent's closest rock (if your opponent has the second closest rock, you only get one point. if they have the third closest, you get two points... etc.)
The sweeping is my favorite part. When you release a curling stone, you turn the handle one way or the other when you release it. Doing this makes it "curl" as it goes down the ice, hence the name of the sport. It's the only way to make it accurate, as if you throw it without any spin, you really have no idea what it's going to do. Sweeping does two things. It makes the rock go FASTER and STRAIGHTER. Good sweepers can make a rock go 12-15 feet farther than it would have without sweeping, so it does allow you to have a fair amount of control over the rock after it is released.
Phew! I had intended to respond to more of the comments, but I just tired myself out with this one.
Glo said:
Wow. I made it past "curling shoes" to read "beating up the elderly."
Comic stuff, Omar...and next time, clean some slates. That was a disappointing humbling of an inferior team. I'm ashamed for you. ;)
jasmine said:
i'm far too tired to read this curling manual, but since it's all the rage, i'll come back here later to try to make myself cooler...
thanks for the lesson dear in advance.
Syar said:
so I was close. I noticed the thing about the sweeping. team effort, for sure.
maybe housewives invented this game.
Glo said:
So - I saw a segment on curling shoes today. And they are cool. I apologize for anything I might have said that implied anything different. Curling is AWESOME - as I should have known by the URL at which it was mentioned.
cadiz12 said:
omar, you should get a shirt that says, 'curling: how i get my rocks off'
hahahahaaha
okay, forgive me. i'm stuck in a dungeon.
Cate said:
Curling? That's a sport for snobs. You're such a snob, Omar.
Screaming Buffalo said:
Curling is amazing and I have loved it since the day I first saw it (No I'm not being an impulsive fence sitter, if they told me that curling caused cancer, I would still be the first one to pick up the broom/rock handle).
It looks hard to be the "thrower". You'd have to very flexible. I mean, HAVE YOU SEEN HOW LOW THOSE PEOPLE CAN GO?