Message to Future Parents XXII: Behind Door #1
If I've been absent lately, it's because I've been busy trying to keep up with the boy. One thing about these little humans is that they learn things kind of quickly. This week, he's made it his mission to figure out doorknobs. And he's succeeded.
Previously, we could cram everything in one room, shut the door, and let him run wild. Now it's not so easy. So that closet where you keep your knife collection / porn / bodies / chemicals / illegal drugs / firearms / signed photo of Pat Sajak / fireworks, you'll need to get a lock for it earlier than you think.
Not that I have any of those things in my closets. Or basement.
Comments
cadiz12 said:
just wait till he learns to pick locks. not that he'd use that skill for anything illegal. it's just a useful one to have. i'm thinking the day he outsmarts you is fast approaching. better be ready.
Radioactive Clash said:
Crap. I can't remember what I was going to say. Something about forcefields I think.
Glo said:
A signed photo of Pat Sajack, eh? I better call children's services. No idea you were such a negligent parent. Kids should be sheltered, man.
Cate said:
And the matching signed photo of Vanna White? I know you have that in there somewhere. Don't try to deny it.
Lia said:
It's those extensor arms that will be the problem.
Gia said:
I got these nifty spinny things for my doorknobs. You click them on over the top of the knob and kids can't open the door because the knob has to be squeezed to be able to turn. Only problem is that if you can't open a child proof medicine bottle, you can't open the door with these gadgets on the knobs. I sadly know this from experience.
I kind of liked saying "knob". nob nob nob
elasticwaistbandlady said:
I say celebrate this milestone with your son. Now that he's man enough to open doors, he can bring you cold libations from the fridge, open pickle jars, endless possibilities.
Gia is proliferating the usage of double entendres.
Nadia said:
Today it's doorknobs; tomorrow it's the twisty thing on those old-fashioned lawnmowers.
Rejoice, Omar. Rejoice.
I said:
cadiz - I look forward to that day, when he can pick locks. I'm even more looking forward to the day he learns how to pick pockets.
RaJ - If you know of any good info on child-safe forcefields, send it along!
glo - You missed the last sentence, where I denied having any of those things in my house. No comment on whether or not it's in storage at my parents' house.
cate - Let's get this straight: I'm no Wheel of Fortune fan. I'm a Pat Sajak fan.
lia -
gia - We have a few of those doorknob things that you speak of. The problem we've had is that they seem to attract more of his attention. So either we put them on all the doors (which increases the likelihood of him figuring them out), or we put them on select doors (which increases the amount of attention he pays to those doors). I think he may already be smarter than I am.
elastic - Luckily, he can't open the fridge yet. And though the prospect of him bringing me drinks sounds fun, I think he'd be more likely to lose himself in the cheese drawer.
Nadia - He will be forced to learn to mow with one of the old fashioned mowers. He can't understand the future of lawn care without first understanding the past. Rejoice indeed.
Katie said:
Someday, the Boy will no doubt be president. Of the Universe.
elasticwaistbandlady said:
Yes katie, he has President potential, but only if he avoids getting trapped into the cheese drawer.
Your quip made me laugh Omar. Although I can think of worse fates than being locked up with an endless supply of cheese, glorious cheese!
jasmine said:
unfortunately, i have word that the boy has his own closet with porn with a special lock that keeps YOU out.
and omar, you're right, he is smarter than you. at least that's what he told me. he's playin you for a fool dude!
Radioactive Cheese said:
Strange; the 'Post a comment' box shows my name as Radioactive Cheese. I smell a consiracy. Or is that the limburger again?
And Omar, I wouldn't worry too much about Jasmine's claim. If he *does* have anything like she describes, it's probably...
cheesy.