As I had hoped, I was able to complete the assembly of my Step-Stool Step 'N Stool stepstool on Wednesday night. It, if I do say so myself, is a thing of beauty. I still need to do some sanding and staining, but all of the pieces are together.

Unfortunately, finishing the stepstool made me have to face questions like "did you actually try to step on it yet?" or "Is it sturdy?" The wife, bless her trusting soul, did have the courage to step on it when I brought it home. And while she came out of it unscathed, I wasn't yet convinced on how sturdy it is. After all, she's pretty small.

I spent a little bit of time unsuccessfully trying to think of any friends or family members I have that are particularly large. After that, I spent some time brainstorming other ideas to prove the stepstool's strength and stability. I narrowed it down to two:

  • Stage a television event where David Blaine stands on the stepstool for 37 straight hours
  • Have Star Jones stand on it

I couldn't get David Blaine's people to agree to it until mid 2007 at best. That's too far out, and they wouldn't really commit. Star Jones' people wanted no part of it. Her agent was like, "Star is a respected lawyer and TV personality, she's not a sumo wrestler or side show freak..."

And just like that, it hit me: Sumo wrestler. Luckily, I only know of one by name - Akebono. And though he's retired, he is like sumo royalty. Plus, he weighs more than my entire family. So I called his people, and they were surprisingly receptive to the idea. He flew out yesterday for the big test:

akebono stepstool

(I told him he could keep his street clothes on for this, but he insisted on wearing his sumo getup.)

If the stepstool can handle all 6'8" 550 pounds of Akebono, it can certainly handle anyone in the Phillips family. Thanks for your help, Ak. You're three times the man I will ever be.