Reflections on Pie
Last night, I decided to go back and review my pie making attempts:
I had some of my statisticians take a look at the data. They just got back to me, and they showed me conclusive proof that I suck at pie making.
First off, I only made 8 of the 9 pies. Of those 8, only 3 of the pies were completely eaten (pumpkin, chocolate cream, pecan). The other 5 were discarded before they were finished. Of those 5 pies, I only had one full piece from 3 (shoofly, key lime, cherry). The apple and custard pies were essentially tasted, then tossed.
Using their findings, I created the following chart to show the current state of events:
After evaluating it more closely, I determined that the strategy shown in the following graph would save not only time, but messes like this.
So after conferring with my accountants, statisticians, doctors, lawyers, farmers, assistants, and the dude living under my kid's carseat, I've decided to suspend all pie making until further notice. I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.
Comments
elasticwaistbandlady said:
Say it isn't so Omar. WAAAAHHHHH!
This looks like a job for Dr.Simple Simon (was a pie man) motivational seminar now on DVD. Available in 4 easy payments of just $99.99 each.
Cash, Check, or House Of Pies gift cards accepted only please.
Lia said:
So now you're just going to put the money directly in the garbage? It does save a lot of effort, I suppose. Does it have to be a physical trash can, necessitating a trip to the ATM, or can it be done virtually, by automatic bank transfer? I can give you the account number of a trash can, if you like.
I just noticed that the Wee Ninja is shaped suspiciously like the Little People guy who used to grace your profile, just wearing a black sheet. It's not Halloween yet!
Radioactive Cruft said:
I don't know about this. Of course Statistics Do Not Lie, but I couldn't help noticing you said you *conferred* with the dude living under the carseat and a few professional pseudo-experts... yet you don't say what any of them recommended. My pie-loss radar tells me there's more to this story.
Oh and I'm trying the italics tag again after a long hiatus. I double-checked and there's no error. So if this comment somehow causes italics overflow into subsequent comments, there must be something wrong with MT. Not with me. Not this time.
I'm just saying.
Becky said:
i'm not gonna chastise you for quitting, but i will say that the only way you can get better at something is to practice.
Lianne said:
You know this chick named Marie has great frozen pies....
Why not try some great "other" desserts?
Jon said:
I think the problem isn’t the pies, it’s the marketing strategy. Let’s look at Jelly Belly jelly beans for an example. They offer such flavors as, Grass, Rotten Egg, Soap, Vomit and Ear Wax. Normally, I think of jelly beans as one of Easter’s finest candies, full of delicious flavors like Grape, Cherry, Orange and Green (I’m not sure what flavor green is, sometimes it’s mint, which I’m not a huge fan of, but sometimes it’s lime or something more fruity… either way, it’s usually ok. It’s certainly not Vomit.). But Jelly Belly has gone against this and made horrific flavors their trademark. Perhaps you were trying too hard to cater to those that like “good tasting” pies. In reality, you need to corner the market on disgusting tasting pies. I’m pretty sure that niche is still available. I expect you’ll need to run this by the execs, but I’m pretty sure they’ll confirm my findings.
On a related note, that picture just reminded me of what my mom used to do with the leftover scraps of pie crust when she made the crust by hand. She lightly buttered them, then sprinkled cinnamon and sugar on top. They were delicious… good times… I think I looked forward to that more than I ever did the pie. Unless we’re talking about her Cherry Swirl Coffee Cake. That is the greatest of all the coffee cakes, and if I were only allowed to eat one thing for the rest of my life, that would be it.
cadiz12 said:
so your statisticians didn't take into account the joy you got from excellent or pretty good pie? seems a little skewed to me.
Lanna Lee Maheux-Quinn
said:
Suggestion: What if you tried perfecting the pies you made well. Like, only until you make the perfect Pumpkin Pie can you go onto the next pie.
I think that is what a Pie-Making Sensai would advise. Right after you wax on, of course.
demosthenes said:
But by that logic...
Italy enters the World Cup >>>>> Italy cheapshots their way through game after game >>>>> Italy wins the World Cup
...cut out the part that pissed me off...
Italy enters the World Cup >>>>> Italy wins the World Cup
...hey now. I definitely don't like the idea of that. And if it doesn't work with one equation, it doesn't work with any of 'em, and therefore you should continue pie-ing. Either that or Italy has just begun a pretty depressing legacy.
Viking said:
Drunken Viking says hooray spaghetti pie!
Glo said:
If Einstein had had this philosophy, college kids would be much less confused.
I said:
Lanna, I like that idea. I could perfect one or two pies, then that'll be my "thing." People will invite me to parties just so I can bring my fabulous pecan pie. I'll run it by the guy under the seat.
Syar said:
Lanna's suggestion also lends one other benefit : people will connect you with your trademark pie. you have so many already that us in BlogLand know about : curling, voles, lawns. your real life people should share the action.
Real life person : "We should get omar over here and taste some of Omar's Great Pecan/Pumpkin pie."
Real life person # 2 : "Nothing better than Omar's Great Pecan/Pumpkin pie."
Notice they prefaced the actual pie with your name, making it yours.
Don't give up the pie life, Omar! We're all rooting you on.
Jonathan said:
Omar, you better hurry up and get your signature pie perfected. You may soon have some competition
From the front page of this months (09/2006) Popular Science – “The future of Robots - Here Comes the Walking, Talking, Pie-Baking Humanoid Machine”
No joke
But, I think you might be ok for a while. After reading the actual article the only reference to a Pie baking machine was in a quote from one of the scientists – “I would love to have a robot bake me a nice pie.”
Long live Haboob
Viking said:
Just don't be the guy who brings the shoofly pie. I have an uncle who does that, and nobody ever touches it, but he keeps bringing it.
Silandara said:
I've given up on pies that involve making pie crusts. Instead, I'm working on perfecting my fruit crumbles/cobblers/crisps. It's the same with making cakes - I'm sticking to cupcakes and icecream cake (because no one cares how ice cream cake looks, they just want to dig in and eat it!).
wendela said:
Your graphics were impressive, but I'm not buying it (the excuse, that is). And your "mess" making pie pic? Pshaw! (Don't think I've ever used that exclamation). Just wait 'til your son helps. That pic will look meticulously clean in comparison.
You're just not giving this pie thing enough time. You've only tried a few of the hundreds. Just a few examples: tamale pie, kidney pie, boysenberry pie - life's not complete without a good boysenberry pie, ya know. Tamale pie will be tasty for an evening you're snowed in (I'm guessing. I've never been snowed in). I would skip the kidney. I don't think anyone can make that edible, come to think of it.
Cue Rocky theme music. Don't give up!