Longtime visitors know that I'm pretty enthusiastic about lawn care. Newbies, FYI: I'm pretty enthusiastic about lawn care. So the other night, I went out in my back yard on a weed control mission. I filled up my tank sprayer with a gallon of water and a couple of tablespoons of Weed-B-Gone, and I started patrolling.

Since the boy has been of age where he can run around the yard, I've been cautious about what chemicals I put on the grass. I don't worry so much about the herbicides, but I've been using pesticides very sparingly. As a result, I've had a bit of a lawn insect problem this year. So as I was walking around with the sprayer, I'd occasionally scare a lawn moth out of hiding. I've never explicitly stated my feelings on lawn moths, so let me be clear: I think they should all die. Now. No, yesterday. They should all have been dead yesterday. Needless to say, whenever I see one fluttering around near the surface, I go in for the kill. I give them a taste of my size 11s. A little stomp sandwich, if you will.

So let's recap: I walk around with my tank sprayer, spraying weeds. I see the occasional moth fluttering low to the ground, and I swiftly raise my leg and bring the thunder down upon it.

I fully understand that though what I'm doing makes perfect sense to me, someone who is more than a few feet away probably can't see the moths, and it probably looks like I'm pausing my spraying to break into some kind of dance. With this in mind, I tend to only do this in the back yard, where there is a lesser chance of someone seeing me and calling the authorities.

As always, I started behind the garage and worked my way out. I tend to keep my head down, as to better be able to spot the weeds and the moths. A few minutes in, I saw what I assumed to be the Moth King, as it was very large. I tried to do a couple of little quick stomps, but I kept missing. So I dropped the sprayer and follwed him. He paused, presumably because my grass looked too tasty for him to keep flying past. It was then that I delivered the fatal STOMP, followed by an audible, though not excessively loud, "HA!"

It was then that my subconscious was like, "don't look up!" Then my conscious responded, "huh?" and looked up to see what I wasn't supposed to look at. As it turns out, my chase for the Moth King had brought me far enough into the back yard where I had a nice view of my neighbors, along with two other lovely couples, who were having a nice get together on their back deck. Or rather, they had a nice view of me. And apparently it was a good show, as all of them were watching me do my stomp dance.

I waved and promptly went back inside.