How to make my day
I walk into Home Depot, making my annual trip to buy a season's worth of lawn care supplies. I walk past an employee by the entrance, she says, "Welcome home, Omar. Welcome home." At least, that's what I thought she said. To others, it may have sounded something more like "Hello." Same dif.
As I'm in the lawn care section trying to decide between the Scotts four-step program and the local brand's equivalent, a guy pushing a huge cart filled with bags of topsoil passed by.
"Excuse me, but do you know where the grass seed is? I'm not a lawn guy," he said.
"Sure, you're headed in the right direction. It's right up there on the left," I replied.
"Thanks. You seem like a lawn guy, I figured you'd know."
Your intuition serves you well, my new best friend.
Comments
Syar said:
A lawn guy or a prawn guy? Or a fawn guy? or a brawn guy? Or a yawn guy? Or a...a...a...crown guy?
Ok, that didn't fully rhyme, but whatever. Same diff right?
Jon said:
I'm not a lawn guy yet because I don't have my own lawn. I don't think you can be a lawn guy with someone else's lawn. That's just wrong, am I right?
Viking said:
My roommate is a lawn guy, so I don't have to be. But I find myself wondering whether I will be when I have the chance...
Radioactive Jam said:
You think maybe your "Lawn Guy Rulz" t-shirt gave him a clue?
Carrot Jello said:
I swear I hear the "Welcome Home" when I go in to Home Depot too. It always makes me stop when they call me Omar, then I just shake it off.
Sarah said:
Getting married and moving into his house means I now have my own lawn boy! Being your own lawn boy sucks, especially when you're a girl.
Lianne said:
We call it the "Home Despot" at my house.
And I knew you were a lawn guy. FYI, bringing the voles on leashes to HD was a nice touch.
jazz said:
i'm sure it helped that you were hemming and hawing for 40 minutes in front of other lawn products with a dry erase board with pros and cons and a 6 month plan for the yard next to you.
that might have tipped him off.
cadiz12 said:
i'm afraid in my quest to overthrow martha stewart i may have to become a lawn guy down the road. man, that's gonna be costly. maybe i should rethink that plan.
hey omar, i was reading an old issue of Wired and there was an article about how Scotts is trying to help the environment /make money by genetically modifying certain grasses to make them grow slower, shorter and resistent to weed killer. mostly for use in golf courses, but the guy interviewed said it'd help everyone by reducing costs on lawnmower gas emissions in the atmosphere and time/effort needed to keep a manicured lawn. what do you think about such an idea?
Nadia said:
If it makes you this happy, that transatlantic psychic bribe was totally worth it.
wendela said:
You'd like this blog for lawn guys (or girls). It has a link to a book describing how to mow designs with your lawn. My ex-husband and I used to do this (sad, but true). How is it our marriage didn't last with such a bond?!
glo said:
A lawn guy?! Is there such a thing? The world of guy is so complex. And what does a lawn guy look like? I wish I'd known this when I was dating - seems a crucial thing to seek!
Anyway, the grass here at omarphillips.net sure looks well-kempt, so I wish you well with its more mangy and alive counterpart.
Silandara said:
I need a lawn guy. We're going to put some grass seed down this year to grow actual grass in the areas that we've previously removed grass from (we're an anti-lawn household).
No idea what to get, though. And while levelling the backyard and putting down topsoil to do it properly sounds like an excellent idea, we're way too half-assed to actually to that.
I said:
cadiz - I'm torn about it. I'm all for technology making things better. And if I could have a better looking lawn that required less effort to maintain, then why wouldn't I do it? On the other hand, it seems a bit like cheating.
Silandara - When you buy seed, look at the label on the back. If it includes any "Annual Bluegrass," put it back and move along. The cheaper ones always have it, and they brag about how the grass sprouts so quickly. The part they leave out is how it DIES at the end of the season, just like any other annual plant.
elasticwaistbandlady said:
The very same thing happened to me when I went to Home Depot for my spring flowers last week! Except I burst into tears and drove straight home to tend to my upper lip mustache when this man told me that I looked like a 'lawn guy.'