Newer Meaner Omar
Yesterday, I went out to play some golf. It was the first time since September, but I played surprisingly well (shot 89 - 42 on the front, 47 on the back - I got tired).
I only bring this up because on Saturday, when I was preparing my stuff, I realized that I needed to cut my hair in order to wear my favorite golf hat. It's a fitted baseball cap, and it only fits properly when I have no hair (which was the case when I bought it). If I let my hair grow a bit, it starts to get uncomfortable. I hadn't cut my hair in several weeks, so I had to give myself a haircut before playing Sunday morning.
Typically when I cut my hair, I will also trim my facial hair to be either as long as or shorter than the hair on my head. Saturday night, I was in a bit of a hurry, as I wanted to be done and showered in time to watch the beginning of Saturday Night Live. So I skipped trimming the facial hair for the sake of time. My plan was to trim the facial hair Sunday night.
I can hear some of you now: "Isn't this his 400th post? Why is he using this milestone post to tell us about which of his hairs he trimmed?" Hang on, I'm getting to the point.
Apparently, the no-hair-with-beard look has made me look 10 times tougher. People are scared of me now! The group in front of us on the golf course let us play through, even though we hardly had to wait on them. The boy and I went to the library yesterday, and he started to run away from me when we got inside. I gave him a stern look and whispered, "Get over here" - and he listened! Neighborhood kids stayed off my lawn, and all I had to do was look at them! I was walking by a stranger on my way to my car in a parking lot. I didn't even really notice him until he threw a wad of cash at me as he said, "Take it, just please don't hurt me!" Then he ran away with a scared look on his face. That was the easiest $22 I've ever made!
So I've decided that this look may stick around for a while. I've been working on my "mean face" and trying to deepen my voice a bit to enhance the image. I'm going for a Suge Knight aura, except I want my look to be less "I'm going to kill you" and more "I could be dangerous, but you can't tell for sure, so to be on the safe side you'd better voluntarily give me all your money."
Comments
Radioactive Jam said:
Mr. T?
Jon said:
I've seen this same tactic applied by athletes. Best example I can think of recently is Baron Davis throwing down on Kirilenko in the Warriors/ Jazz playoff series. No way he's able to do that without the menacing beard. It was more than A.K. 47 could handle. It was also immediately added to the top 10 in-game dunks of all time. If you haven't seen it... tell me the beard doesn't play a part in this posterization...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kv3H1bpyWfw&mode=related&search=
Toni said:
Maybe I should shave my head...
jazz said:
happy 400th!
i'm not intimidated by you at all, for what it's worth.
how are the ducks?!
carrot jello said:
Yes, but does it scare ducks?
cadiz12 said:
are you sure it's not the facial hair by itself? how did the golfers know you had no hair on your head when you were wearing a fitted cap? I know this is the type of thing you just don't question, but i'm a little scared of you, and only because i know what you're capable for a free doughnut. happy 400th, omar.
I said:
An excellent question, cadiz, I should have elaborated. I'm a frequent hat fidgeter. The hat goes on, off, backwards, sideways, etc. I will stop short of turning it inside-out, though.
RaJ - I stopped short of the mohawk and gold chains. But I may start pitying fools at random, if you think it'll help.
Jon - I did see that, and I have no doubt that the facial hair to head hair ratio had everything to do with the nastiness of that dunk.
Toni - ... AND grow a beard.
Jazz - The ducks are still there. Duckling-watch day 5 has been uneventful. And while you may not be intimidated by the online Omar, I'm certain that the hair/beard combo would have you peeing in your capris and/or handing me all your cash if we were to pass on the street.
CJell - Not so much, no. Mom duck is pretty good at ignoring me.
Bethany said:
I just watched the Baron Davis dunk, and I have to say that he blows his bad a** image when he lifts his shirt up afterward-- tell me you don't think he looks like a toddler showing off his tummy: "Mommy, look at me! Look at my belly, isn't it funny, Mommy?" No amount of facial hair, whatever the ratio to head hair, can make up for that!
elasticwaistbandlady said:
During your hair trimming exploits you must never forget your dangling nose hairs. If you notice, Thug Culture and Thug Fashion has never embraced a nose hair look.
Just trying to keep you authentic and real, fo real!
Lianne said:
You know.. I don't think it's the hair. I think you morphed into Super Omar.. and you did that a long time ago. You are just now getting the respect you have always deserved.
Still a little scared of you, though.
No Cool Story said:
Happy 400th Omar.
I, for one, would be very intimidated. Not to give you my money, but intimidated nonetheless. Now if you got an "attack duck"...that would do the trick.
Syar said:
Happy 400th.
As people who have been with you and the blog for all this while and you know, general Omar-supporters, do we get to use this scary new mean Omar on unsuspecting weenies in our life?
Or should I just shut up now and give you my milk money?
That was a stupid question, I'm sorry. Here's my sandwich money too. And my Jello.
Rhonda said:
Hmmm...not sure I am buying into the mean Omar thing. Aren't you the guy who is scared of ducks and voles?