When someone says that something is a "pain in the butt," (or some other gluteal slang term), my response is often, "Then you must be doing it wrong."

Most of my close friends know what I mean. But if anyone else is around, I'd say that this gets interpreted correctly only about 10% of the time. Let's say, for example, that someone is filling out an application for something. It's long and asks a lot of questions you don't have answers for offhand. He/she says, "Wow, filling out this form is a big pain in the butt!" When I give my response, most people interpret that to mean that I really think they're actually doing something wrong when filling out the application, or that I'm questioning their application-completion skills in an insulting way. In fact, the joke is that I'm pretending to take their statement literally. Completing the application may cause some hand or wrist pain, or a headache from having to think too much. But it should cause no butt discomfort whatsoever. And that if it does, they must be filling out the form wrong.

Yes, I know. It's like I'm one of those, "that's what she said" people. I promise, I'm not. Given that I often come across as being a serious person at first, my jokes (however bad they may be) often seem funnier than if they came from someone who people expect to joke around.

Sometimes, I'll extend my response to say "Then you must be doing it wrong, because I just did (whatever it was), and my butt still feels fine." That dramatically increases the comprehension of the joke, but it's only applicable when it's something I have done. I guess I could say, "Interesting, because if I was doing that, I wouldn't involve my butt at all," but for some reason, I don't feel it delivers the same message with the same strength. Besides, I don't talk, so I like to say things in as few words as possible.

Anyway, this weekend, someone was complaining about having to walk a long way to get to the nearest bathroom. Someone else in the group said, "I know, it's such a pain in the butt."

I started my response almost unconsciously, but only got a word or two in before I realized that I was about to make a statement that could potentially be very wrong (and a bit insensitive).