My back hurts. Katherine Heigl is easy on the eyes. I went to see Bob the Builder late last week at a members-only exhibit opening at the local museum. These things are all true. As are four of the following five statements. One of them, well, it's a lie. A pretty good one, if I do say so myself. Not quite as good as "One size fits all," but who wants to admit to being that good a liar? Anyway, your task is to determine which story is false. On with it!

1) I was amazed by how many mothers dressed in ways I would consider inappropriate for an event at a children's museum. I saw lots of cleavage, a thong, and a bunch of bellies on moms who were at an event with their kids. We even nicknamed one "Hootie McBoob" (it's a Simpson's reference). Don't get me wrong, I don't care if women want to show their stuff, when appropriate. But at a museum event for kids? I just think that children are our future. We should teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside. Give them a sense of pride. And so on.

2) Two women (not children), in two completely independent scenarios, asked me if I wanted to dance. For the record, neither one was Hootie McBoob.

3) I waited in the line to actually meet Bob the Builder for almost an hour - BUT we never got to meet him. He kept taking breaks every 10 minutes, and with all the people in line ahead of me, I didn't even get close. But on the plus side, I made friends with a not-that-cute baby girl who was staring at me THE. ENTIRE. TIME.

4) I was far more excited than my kid was to see many of the Bob characters on display. I was especially excited to see JJ, because I like his voice. I'm a little jealous of it, in fact. These characters on display, there were probably 3-4 feet tall, and made out of some kind of hard plastic material. Each had a button nearby, and when you pressed it, they'd say something out of a speaker on the floor. The boy liked them, right up until he heard one of them talk. Then he was terrified of them. He is NOT down with inanimate objects talking.

5) I was waiting in line with the boy for one of the museum attractions when I felt something touching my butt. I turned around to find a boy who I visually estimated to be 8 years old, I assumed he just bumped into me. I turned back around, and was bumped again a few seconds later. Then again. At this point, I got the distinct feeling that this kid was trying to steal my wallet. I casually put my thumb in my back pocket, and not surprisingly, I didn't get bumped into again. That kid sucked at pick-pocketing.