Four of the following five stories are true. The other one is a lie. It's actually from a scene that I wrote for a not-yet-released movie loosely based on my life, called "He's That Awesome." Look for it in theaters this summer. Anyway, your job is to pick that one. Let's begin.

1) As I left the store late last week, I said to myself, "Self, this might be the earliest I've ever been done with my Christmas shopping!" It wasn't until I got back home and checked my shopping list that I realized I still hadn't bought anything for the wife. I have since rectified that situation, and my shopping is now indeed done.

2) Not too long ago, I purchased a box of Count Chocula cereal. While eating it one morning, I discovered that the boy was afraid of the illustration of the Count on the front of the box (pictured below):

I've got a history of exploiting my son's fears, so of course, the first thing that popped up in my mind was to enlist the Count's help with keeping the boy out of the waiting-to-be-wrapped Christmas presents. And for the record, over the past week or so, I'd say the Count is doing an excellent job (in addition to his ability to make a tasty cereal).

3) I waffled back and forth about whether or not to put christmas lights up outside our house this year. It's a lot of work for not a lot of reward, because we don't get a ton of visitors. Besides, it's been cold. There was one good-weather day a few weeks ago, but I spent my time bagging leaves instead of putting up lights. Eventually I did put lights on some of the bushes out in front of my house, in spite of the cold. Of course, within a week, most of those bushes got covered up with snow, and you can't really see the lights anyway. Bah humbug.

4) Last year, for the first time in my life, I cut down my own christmas tree. I always had a real tree growing up (in fact, it wasn't until I was a teenager that I realized people used fake trees in their houses, I thought only commercial establishments used them), but we always bought pre-cut trees. But last year, the wife's family persuaded me to go out to a tree farm. I'm no kind of outdoorsman, unless the outdoor activity involves golf. In spite of this, I actually had a blast! Because of last year's experience, it was actually a little bit of a let down this year when I went out and bought a pre-cut tree the "old fashioned way."

5) I feel so bad that it's December 19th and we haven't sent out any holiday cards yet. I think last year, we had them out in the first week of December. I originally felt better because we haven't received as many cards this year as we have in past years (so we figured that time is moving fast for other people also), but then it occurred to me that we probably received so many last year because we sent ours out early. We were getting reactive holiday greetings. So in a way, I'm glad we're this late, because we can find out who really wants us to have happy holidays.