Mostly true story about shopping at Sears
I received some items for Christmas, purchased at Sears, that didn't fit me well. So I returned them and got some store credit.
After being dangerously close to purchasing a waffle iron, then a battery-powered adjustable wrench, I decided to head to the men's section to look for some shirts. You really don't need a lot of detail here, as this part is not the point of the story. Suffice it to say that I found a couple of shirts in which I look hot.
I went to the checkout counter to pay for the shirts. The total, after store credit, was $7 and change. I swiped my card, punched in my pin, and waited. It went through, and my receipt started printing from the register. Here's where the fun starts.
"Here's your receipt, Mr. Phillips." She handed me my receipt. More was printing out. "The long part at the bottom is a feedback survey, if you complete it online you will have a chance to win a $4000 gift card," she told me over the sound of the printer. "And here's your customer debit record." As she handed it to me, I looked at it because I wasn't sure what a customer debit record was. It said "CUSTOMER DEBIT RECORD" and "THIS IS NOT A RECEIPT" on it. On this record, it showed the date of my purchase, the amount of my purchase, and how I paid for my purchase. Very similar to a receipt, but clearly NOT A RECEIPT. I didn't have too much time to ponder it though, because the register's printer was still going.
"Here's a coupon for 15% off any tool purchase of $50 or more," she continued. It was still printing. "Here's some information on home improvement financing specials." That was wasn't too long. But she wasn't done. "Here's a coupon for $30 off treadmills. (pause) And coming out now is a voucher for $15 off tax preparation at H&R Block."
I chuckled, audibly. "What, no gift receipt?"
"Do you need one? I can print one out for you," she said with a totally straight face.
I was caught off guard, because I think she thought I was serious. "No, no I was just... no, I don't. Thanks."
"And coming out now is your complimentary copy of Tolstoy's War and Peace."
I left the store feeling guilty for buying the two shirts, because in doing so, I watched two trees die right before my eyes.
Comments
glittersmama said:
Holy cow. I bought something at Sears before Christmas, and I didn't notice the encyclopedia length receipt until I got home. Mine included all entries under the letter 'M' from Webster's dictionary.
No Cool Story said:
Did she ask you if you wanted the receipt with you or in the bag? Or did she offer you a new bag to put your new receipt collection?
Lauren said:
That's how I feel when I go to Bath and Body Works. They are always all up in my business throwing large quantities of cardstock at me.
aubrey said:
what?! are you serious? this reminds me of blockbuster. we go there, maybe once a year and whenever we do they print out like ten receipts in a row and hand them to you with your dvd. it's insane. about those shirts that make you look hot. c'mon. sears? for real? sears has shirts that make a person look hot? i never knew. i might need visual proof.
Lia said:
Wait, did you get a receipt in all of that? What if you need to return the shirts? Also, were the shirts from Lands' End?
I get receipts like this from the drugstore: a yard of receipt for one can of Arizona.
jasmine said:
oh man! i just bought a copy of war and peace and they are giving them away for free at sears?!
Nobody said:
oh you are SO FUNNY! If thise was a two truths and a lie post, I'd totally win. The times you really play it, I'm not so good.
cadiz12 said:
clearly, sears is committed to bringing back the colloquial use of the word "Grippe" to curry favor with the elite.
Christian said:
I agree cadiz. Stupid Seers and their new fangled words...
Syar said:
What is a "gift" receipt? A receipt you give as a gift to somebody else?
Somebody else : *shakes wrapping paper friendly box* What is it?
You : It's a gift receipt. Enjoy.
Somebody else : Oh, is it a receipt of what you bought me?
You : No. The receipt is the thing I bought you, though technically I didn't buy it. I did however get the receipt while buying myself some shirts, one of which I am wearing which is why I look extra hot today. Have fun with your gift receipt.
Somebody else : Wha-? He-ey....you're right. Those shirts are smokin'.
You : Thanks. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.
Rhonda said:
So are you buying a treadmill? Did you win $4,000? I guess that wasn't the point, huh?
We get receipts like that at CVS. And it's always 20 coupons for weird crap I don't use. Or $2.00 off of a purchase of $50 of CVS brands only.
Nancy Face said:
You didn't mention the job application, which surely must be there in that pile of dead trees.
Lisa said:
I have been thinking recently that big long receipts have gotten out of hand!!! That is THE record, though! Wow!
Oh and I so thought that winning $4000 was where this was going. :(
elasticwaistbandlady said:
I bought my boys some nifty little suits at Sears over Christmas.
It's nice to see that both of us were discovering the "softer side of Sears" together, Omar.
elasticwaistbandlady said:
Did you have to sign a receipt to acknowledge receiving a receipt?
Lia said:
Syar - In case Omar doesn't get to it - a gift receipt is a receipt with no prices on it that you can give with a gift so that the person can return the gift if they want to (they know where you bought it), and you still don't have to show how much you spent. The store still knows how much credit to issue because there's a transaction number on the receipt.
demosthenes said:
Ah, Prince Vasili. What a guy.
glo said:
Hilarious and true. Sad but true. I'm so tired of not winning survey contests that I'd rather save the tree and miss the chance altogether.
Tori :) said:
LOL! Poor poor trees...
Jon said:
If I weren't such a paper mache nut, I might agree with you, but as such, I couldn't be more pleased with today's receipt standards. After this year's Christmas shopping, I was able to create a life size copy of an adult giraffe. I'm only an aardvark away from completing my backyard, paper mache safari! Admission will only be $5. Who's gonna pass that up?
chicklegirl said:
LOL.
Do you think they take requests? I've always wanted to read Anna Karenina.
K- said:
LOL that she didn't get it. I take my dead trees home and put them in the paper recycle bin. At the rate they kill trees before long they will need to advertise that there isn't more for you life, but less oxygen to breathe.
I have no idea why it took me so long to get here. I read your comments on others blogs and love them. You have to be cool. NCS wouldn't just let any guy come the table;)
LiziAn said:
This may be a little late for a comment but I couldn't help myself. The coolest thing about all those receipts and things that come out of the cash register (War & Peace etc.) is that after a certain amount of time (which can be as little as a day if you leave it in the sun on your carseat) they fade out to nothing!! So you have all this blank paper.