Four Truths and a Lie: February edition
In honor of the shortest month of the year, I bring you a shortened edition of "Four Truths and a Lie." This time around, it's three truths instead of four. Three truths and one pretty good lie. It's not a great lie this time, it's just pretty good.
WHOA, see how believable I am? I had you convinced it wasn't a great lie, when it is, in fact, a truly great lie! Seriously, you'd better sharpen up if you plan on guessing correctly. Ready? OK, let's begin:
1) I finished doing my taxes last week. Ever since I got my first job, my mom always said, "If the IRS owes you a refund, you're losing money." And she's right. Blah blah blah, essentially giving the government an interest-free loan, blah blah. Anyway, imagine my surprise this year when I realized that doing what my mom said will result in me owing an additional ONE MILLION DOLLARS* to the government by April 15th!
* - I may have rounded this dollar amount up for dramatic effect. The point is that I owe and it's my mom's fault.
2) There's a small area on my head where gray hair will occasionally sprout. It has been there since I was a wee lad, probably around age 3. It's not solid gray, but it's noticeable from up close. However, recently I've noticed that gray hairs are appearing all over the place - even in my facial hair. Make no mistake, this is not OK with me. I'm saddened by the fact that I've thought about hair coloring before my 31st birthday.
3) On "Super Tuesday," I took the boy with me when I voted. In the voting booth, all of the Democratic candidates were listed on the left side, Republican candidates on the right. I'm a registered Democrat, so the Republican options were all disabled. I moved the little levers to indicate my choices. The boy thought that looked fun, so he tried to do the same. Except that the lever he was trying to move was next to Rudolph Giuliani's name. Of course it didn't work, because the levers on that side were disabled. I could see he was starting to get frustrated, so I told him, "No, you don't want to vote for him. We want this one over here (pointing towards the candidate I voted for)." I de-selected my choice so that he could do it. This was not OK with him. He would not settle for anything that didn't involve voting for Rudy Giuliani. I tried a different approach. "Even if we could vote for him, he's not even running anymore. That would be a wasted vote!" He wouldn't back down. So I quickly re-cast my vote, got our stickers, and got out of there before the small tantrum escalated. Now I know why they don't let three year olds vote.
4) The rate of posting has slowed down a bit over here. This is partially because I'm more busy than normal, but it's mostly because I realize that I'm only a few posts away from #500. I want to do something big for the 500th post, but I haven't yet narrowed down what that "something big" will be. So I'm stalling.



Comments
Christian said:
FIRST!
Christian said:
Also, I call BS on 2.
glo said:
Having recently heard that Pres. Bush thought he could solve US money problems if he won the lotto...I'm going to say that all 3 are true - if one one million dollars is good, then millions of them would be better. If I were president, I'd totally charge everybody 1 million dollars. Why not? Money is just paper, right?
BTW, when I try to comment at blogger, I get an error message that says "Phishing and other frauds denied by your organization". So, this is the only comment I'll make today. Live it. Love it. Pass it on.
Carol said:
I think 4 is the lie. I think you have had a plan for your 500th post for a long time!
Tori :) said:
I say #4.
Or maybe #3 because you are really Republican... ;)
scroobious said:
I'm with Carol.
cadiz12 said:
I find it hard to believe the boy would go for someone who was already out. three years old or not, he's way too smart for that. so i vote for 3.
However, i don't doubt that you brought him along. (a woman i worked with takes her daughter for doughnuts every election day before they vote, so kayla has this great connotation with voting.) it's a great thing to teach your kid the value of his vote at a young age, even if it is in terms of doughnuts.
Becky said:
I'm gonna say #3, because levers are totally 1992- surely y'all have touch screen voting machines in new york by now. Also, the boy is far too self-disciplined and rational to want to vote republican.
Lia said:
Glo - Me, too. I can't even comment on my own blog. :( It's a government conspiracy.
I know that #3 is true, because I vote with levers, too. And the boy is a true New Yorker for voting for Rudy. So that one's out.
I'm voting for #1 because everyone knows that the IRS doesn't let you underpay your taxes. Although why they'd rather pay refunds than collect more money is beyond me.
Jon said:
I don't know which is false and I'm not afraid to admit it. You know what else I'm not afraid to admit? I hope number 2 is true. I can't wait to see you added to the Just for Men commercials. I think that Kieth and Walt have gotten stale, what they need is another guy in there that can easily be mistaken for Tiger Woods. The first commercial you do is going to be hard because your wife and family will have to tell you that they don't love you anymore since your hair went gray. You will also probably lose your job and receive numerous traffic tickets because everyone knows that gray-haired people are the most preyed upon by cops. Walt and Kieth will take pity on you and show you a better way to true happiness. It will be in a tube of gel.
You know what? Forget the commercial, this needs to be made into a movie! I'll play the role of your boss that fires you for having gray hair. I'll have such memorable lines as, "We don't need any of you gray haired old codgers in here! This is a young man's game!" and "I hope you were diligent in your investments and took the time to diversify your portfolio because you're going to need all the help you can get at this advanced stage in your life. You'll never work in this town again due to your decrepit nature and horribly grayed hair! It's a wonder we don't just euthanize you right here and now! Somebody get me a death device of some sort for this man. He's clearly worth more dead than alive!"
Ok, it's probably going to take me the better part of this afternoon to write the rest of the script, but you can expect a call from Disney (yeah, that's right, Disney!) later this week. We'll probably start shooting next Friday. You might want to clear your schedule.
No Cool Story said:
I'm saying #3, same reason as my twin Tori.
I'd love to see OP and Jon in a movie together! Could I be an extra? I could play the token Mexican. I'm free Friday.
Nancy Face said:
I'm going with my first impression that #3 is the lie.
I REALLY like #2, though...I started thinking about hair coloring when I began sprouting grey hairs at age 25! Oh, and I want tickets to the movie premiere!
Sarah said:
I'm stumped, but leaning toward #3 for no good reason...
Whitney said:
These are all so truly convincing.... But I'm going to have to go with #4 is the lie. You know exactly what you're doing for your 500th post, and it will be amazing!
Nobody said:
I think it's #4. You are neither busy, nor a staller.
Nobody said:
Also, you are a very logical and rational human being. I love #1.
Jonathan said:
3
demosthenes said:
I'm going with 2. I've been scouring every photo of you on this website, and thus far have seen no gray.
Lisa said:
My guess is 2, but I also guess 3. And maybe 1, too. I don't know. Is it 4?
Rhonda said:
I am going with #3. Taking a toddler to vote? NO WAY.
Lauren said:
#2 is the lie. I am sure of it. I just won't let myself believe that you are sprouting gray hair in your facial hair.
Nadia said:
#2.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I can totally see you rocking that salt-and-pepper look. I just find your last sentence hard to believe. I think about hair coloring all the time and it never makes me sad.
Wait. Am I confusing "thinking about" with "inhale fumes from" again? Damn it. I knew those pamphlets that came with the box were worth reading.
Jane Doe said:
Well, if you are going to do something fabulous for your 500th post, I say you make it big.
Like, hand out $500 to bloggers who visit from Seattle.
Something like that.
Jane Doe said:
Well, if you are going to do something fabulous for your 500th post, I say you make it big.
Like, hand out $500 to bloggers who visit from Seattle.
Something like that.
Jane Doe said:
Or perhaps honor those who leave more than one comment on a post.
Becky said:
why I think #3 is true:
the proof
Becky said:
I mean, #2. The proof is for #2. It's hard to get those details right when your nephew is waking up from a nap in the next room and is screaming his face off AS YOU COMMENT.
No Cool Story said:
Oh no. #2 might be it.
Hmmm.
*I'm still saying #3*
elasticwaistbandlady said:
I think it's #3. Thoughts of Giulliani running our country after the back-handed corrupt stuff he's done in Texas(see Trans-Texas Corridor Project) scares the crud out of me. I would think it should terrify a 3 year old.
elasticwaistbandlady said:
My blogger post count says I'm at 486. That's a lie. Most of those are 3 sentence drafts that my blog ADD wouldn't let me finish.
elasticwaistbandlady said:
I owe money to the IRS every year. That's part of the unmitigated joy that comes with being a contract employee.
No Cool Story said:
I can't sleep thinking that maybe I chose the wrong number!
Am I right? Am I wrong? Waaaa, when will I know for sure?
Tori :) said:
Come on already!! I've been waiting patiently!!
Carol said:
Ooh! Maybe it wasn't #4 after all... Maybe you are stalling. Can I change my answer now?